Seriously, I have never been through such a terrible ordeal in a long time. Things always seem to happen when you need to get things done. I started having digestive/tummy troubles around halloween. I don't think I realized how right the doctor probably was that I just had too much going on. I think this was probably a major part of it but when I started to slow down I guess it was just too late. Honestly, I wouldn't change any of it even if it did make me sick. I helped a lot of people and reached out to my community for good causes. It wasn't like I was out and on the go constantly doing things I did not have any business doing. So if it made me sick to make someone else's day or to save someone's life, I would not change anything!!! A person's life and a touched heart to bring hope is priceless...
I started to feel really bad on Monday aka Halloween. I had to miss taking my pooch to the Davenport Halloween Parade because I ended up going to the Emergency room right after work. Talk about the wrong time to go. I didn't have to wait, but this guy around my age showed up with his hand on ice where his finger was almost all the way off. They say "chainsaw accident". When I saw the blood and his hand I slunched down in the chair where they were getting information from me on my health history. I was like "ummmm, I might be here for two different reasons here in a sec." I felt awfully woosey...lol They told me they were going to take him first and I was totally fine with that. GET THAT KID OUT OF MY SITE!!! LOL!!! I don't know why I am like that about blood. I used to get nose bleeds as a kid and they were bad!! You would figure I would be used to it, but my mind and stomach have taken a totally different turn since I have gotten older.
I thought I was okay when I left the ER. Got a pain med and blood tests and x-rays of my stomach. The doc gave me a laxative along with a diet plan and told me I should be fine after that. UM NO... I get to work and I start not to feel good again on Wednesday morning. It was back to Trinity at around 10:30 am. Let's just say I probably ruined one nurses day, but I did feel slightly better. I was sent home with a pain med. Friday, discomfort again. By the time Friday night came I was totally uncomfortable. When I woke up Saturday I was in pain!!!! Something told me I was not come back home right away. I just want to say that 53rd street sucks when you are in pain. I drove myself, stiff as you don't know what holding on to my stomach with every bump and thud on that road. They want to repave and fix something? FIX THE ENTIRE 53RD STREET PLEASE!!!!
I come in with all the paperwork from my past 2 ER visits in moline and they take me back to a room. I was dehydrated from not eating because I was not feeling well enough to eat or drink. They take blood. I get shot up with pain meds and hooked up to an IV. I had never been so scared in my life. A main doc, a nurse, and the internest on call came in. My vitals were taken multiple times. No sounds were coming from my stomach. My blood pressure would not go down. All I could do was cry when the pain was so bad. I was good as long as I was on pain meds. Otherwise it was back to tears and another shot in the IV from the nurse. A resident doctor came in and wanted the full story. I was like OMG!!! The last I remember is the doc saying "well, what should we do with you? I could send you home with pain meds but...that does not solve the problem and in fact could make it worse." The next thing I know they are admitting me...
The things I have pulled away from this horrible experience. GoLytely is not your friend. It will make you very sick. It cleaned me out alright. Both ends. NOT COOL. The nursing staff was much nicer on the weekend that the weekly staff. These younger nurses need to learn some things from the older ladies who have been around for a while. They call it caring and compassion. The medical field is not for everyone. Don't do it just for the money but because you care about people and want to help them. The Gastro doc, really nice but I was not happy that he prepared me for a colonoscopy, decided not to do it and didn't tell anyone that he wasn't going to do it and so I was starving and dehydrated with no fluids for over 12 hours until he decided to show up late Monday after his clinic time. He tells me things to eat, that I have already been eating, I cut out the fast food, and yet I am sick. Nowhere are we saying what has caused this monstrosity of a sickness where I have basically wasted away 30 lbs in a very short amount of time. Communication between patients and medical providers is key. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU ARE STARVING AND THE NURSE WON'T EVEN GIVE YOU ICE CHIPS AND TELLS YOU SHE CAN SWAB YOUR MOUTH AND NEVER SHOWS UP TO DO IT AND HAD THE DOC JUST SAID I AM NOT DOING THE PROCEDURE I WOULD NOT HAVE HAD TO GO THROUGH THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!
okay, I am doing better. I did get to see my mom whom I havn't seen since July, so I guess there is an upside to this ordeal and I did lose some weight so I will look a lil better for the pageant. But boy did that cost me! lol! I can laugh now, but at the time not so funny. You try chugging down what is a whole gallon of basically watered down salt water and see how you feel after almost 2-3 cups in. Never again, so I hope.
So later this afternoon I follow up with the Gastro doctor. I will have my questions ready. I still have not started eating dairy or hot/spicy food. I miss it so much. (pizza, hot sauce, cheese burgers, chili cheese fries) you know, all the stuff I was not eating before and now I am not allowed to have but craving. For now it is turkey, chicken, fish. No fried greasy beef. Maybe one weekend when I have no place to be I will indulge in a very small cheese burger and chili cheese fries and see what happens. lol Right now I am not willing to take the chance so close to the pageant.
SO much to do and so little time. I definitely lost prep time being in the hospital. Didn't get to make any extra money and lost time to actually sit down and prepare my packing list, get out and try to get more sponsorship money, etc. Only a few hundred more dollars away. like $400. But in the end, my health is the most important and that is what I need to realize. You can expect the worst and hope for the best. It could have been way worse of a situation than what it is. Nothing can replace your life. I am just thankful that I am well enough to compete for nationals.
So here goes nothing!!! Everyone wish me luck as I leave for Orlando next week!!! I can't wait. Thanks so much for all the thoughts, prayers, and concerns as I was going through so much being hospitalized. God answered and I am so thankful for every single person who is in my life that helped me and was there for me in my darkest hours...
Monday, November 14, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
NAMI Candlelight Dinner 10/5/2011
I assume that if you are from the Quad Cities that you know what "The Lodge" in Bettendorf is or you it least know where it is. I drive past that exit daily and I guess I just assumed it was a bank or hotel from the interstate. My aunt even asked me once what it was when I was driving her and my cousin around town. I never knew. Now I know and I must say that it is really beautiful on the inside!!!
The tables were set up so nice and I noticed a lot of people at these tables that were at the walk, including a couple of the guys I had taken photos with. They all came up to me and gave me hugs and were glad that I had came. Others hadn't seen me before even if they were at the walk, but now we were in a much more smaller setting. My seat was at the front table which was labeled "head table". I guess this was important. I immediately began conversing with a lady that held a position with NAMI at another location and I started to share some of my story. Later I heard hers when she stood up and I must say, you never know how bad it can really be until you hear someone else that has been through some things with mental health that don't even touch where you have been. She has done a lot of great work and she was even given an award. I was moved by everything she had to say. One of the things she had said to me was that you see other people when you speak and you can tell who can relate by the look in their eyes. I don't remember too much these days as my memory has deteriorated since dad's death, but I do remember that.
There were about 8 seats at this head table and one of those seats had my name on it and next to me was Jay Kidwell. In front of each place was a different flavor of slice of cake. It all looked so good. What looked really good was the big slice of strawberry that was in front of Jay's chair. It's funny how things work out... At the end of dinner we ended up playing musical cake. I had lemon, which was fine, but he offered to trade. It was like we were in school again. It's the lil things you know? lol I ended up with the strawberry piece he had before me and it was SOOOOOOO good. I don't know if it was the cake or the fact that I hadn't had strawberry cake or anything of that nature since I started to watch what I eat in preparation for my pageant.
Dinner was done and then the master of ceremonies stood up to begin, that being Jay Kidwell, the person who was the whole reason I found NAMI to begin with. He really is a great person. I can't help but think to myself, what is his connection with NAMI? Apparently, he has been master of ceremonies for the past few years. I am kind of curious if he has a personal story or if it is just a cause that chose him or he chose. Time will only tell and I am pretty sure we will cross paths again. After all, he did give me his business card.
I was the first person introduced after he talked for a lil bit. I talked briefly about who I was, where I came from, and how I got involved with NAMI. Not too long, not too short and I made it through without crying. I think it was the fact that I knew that alot of people in that room understood me. They were at this dinner because they either had experienced mental illness personally or they have friends or family that do. I got to light the main candle in memory of those whose lives had been lost due to suicide and those that still struggle with depression daily. I could feel goosebumps as I lit the candle and felt really honored to be asked to light THE candle.
They showed a few short segments of a video following about 5 people who live with mental illness. They talked about who they are and what they like to do, what type of illness they have, how/if they have accepted their illness, the darkest moments they have had, how they cope, and how far they have come. After each segment people at the dinner were asked to share their thoughts or personal experiences on these subjects. I stood up a few times. I mentioned that I don't think I had accepted it until I felt better than I did before I started the treatment. I also shared that when I am down or need something to occupy my mind I like to color in coloring books or play with my dog. Animals have a way of relieving a lot of stress and need a lot of love. Going back to my Miss KY International platform, I mentioned that if they did not have pets or couldn't afford them, there are a lot of animals at the local shelter that need love and attention and that many shelters accept volunteers to do just that. My Snoopy has been great through all of my highs and lows. I got him a lil over a year after my dad passed. They have lots of love to give back and they love you no matter what your mental flaws are.
One lady said that she loves to bake when she is down. Someone else said they do big puzzles. It all makes sense, doing something that makes you happy that you like to do that will distract those dark thoughts. The lady that loves to bake said you have to be distracted for the period of time you follow the recipe. You can't walk away or you will forget what ingredients you have added or what step you are on. It really does as I love to bake too. I made some awesome pumpkin bread last weekend with some time I had off from making appearances. I've been too busy to do anything, which has been a good thing. When I have too much time on my hands my mind wanders...not always good. I guess you can say that when I made my bread I was coping in a way. It turned out great and the coworkers loved it.
In the backgroud of the dinner there was artwork displayed from a local artist. He was also videotaping at the dinner. His name was Carlos Duran. Really nice paintings. He stated that whatever was sold that night that the proceeds would go to NAMI. After the dinner he approached me and well, after a very long conversation I was more educated on the history of Cinco de Mayo and booked another appearance at a Latino conference in Muscatine on the morning of October 29th. A lot of youth are supposed to be there and not sure how I will fit in but it is for a good cause and a learning experience for myself. Afterall, my best friend is hispanic and my middle sister is half hispanic and... Mexican food is my favorite. I love the culture and honestly I would love to learn the language and the background of it all. Half of the people I meet think I am one of them anyway, lol and having the name Monica does not help!! LOL!!!! Nothing like some homemade chips and salsa with jalapenos. :)
The tables were set up so nice and I noticed a lot of people at these tables that were at the walk, including a couple of the guys I had taken photos with. They all came up to me and gave me hugs and were glad that I had came. Others hadn't seen me before even if they were at the walk, but now we were in a much more smaller setting. My seat was at the front table which was labeled "head table". I guess this was important. I immediately began conversing with a lady that held a position with NAMI at another location and I started to share some of my story. Later I heard hers when she stood up and I must say, you never know how bad it can really be until you hear someone else that has been through some things with mental health that don't even touch where you have been. She has done a lot of great work and she was even given an award. I was moved by everything she had to say. One of the things she had said to me was that you see other people when you speak and you can tell who can relate by the look in their eyes. I don't remember too much these days as my memory has deteriorated since dad's death, but I do remember that.
There were about 8 seats at this head table and one of those seats had my name on it and next to me was Jay Kidwell. In front of each place was a different flavor of slice of cake. It all looked so good. What looked really good was the big slice of strawberry that was in front of Jay's chair. It's funny how things work out... At the end of dinner we ended up playing musical cake. I had lemon, which was fine, but he offered to trade. It was like we were in school again. It's the lil things you know? lol I ended up with the strawberry piece he had before me and it was SOOOOOOO good. I don't know if it was the cake or the fact that I hadn't had strawberry cake or anything of that nature since I started to watch what I eat in preparation for my pageant.
Dinner was done and then the master of ceremonies stood up to begin, that being Jay Kidwell, the person who was the whole reason I found NAMI to begin with. He really is a great person. I can't help but think to myself, what is his connection with NAMI? Apparently, he has been master of ceremonies for the past few years. I am kind of curious if he has a personal story or if it is just a cause that chose him or he chose. Time will only tell and I am pretty sure we will cross paths again. After all, he did give me his business card.
I was the first person introduced after he talked for a lil bit. I talked briefly about who I was, where I came from, and how I got involved with NAMI. Not too long, not too short and I made it through without crying. I think it was the fact that I knew that alot of people in that room understood me. They were at this dinner because they either had experienced mental illness personally or they have friends or family that do. I got to light the main candle in memory of those whose lives had been lost due to suicide and those that still struggle with depression daily. I could feel goosebumps as I lit the candle and felt really honored to be asked to light THE candle.
They showed a few short segments of a video following about 5 people who live with mental illness. They talked about who they are and what they like to do, what type of illness they have, how/if they have accepted their illness, the darkest moments they have had, how they cope, and how far they have come. After each segment people at the dinner were asked to share their thoughts or personal experiences on these subjects. I stood up a few times. I mentioned that I don't think I had accepted it until I felt better than I did before I started the treatment. I also shared that when I am down or need something to occupy my mind I like to color in coloring books or play with my dog. Animals have a way of relieving a lot of stress and need a lot of love. Going back to my Miss KY International platform, I mentioned that if they did not have pets or couldn't afford them, there are a lot of animals at the local shelter that need love and attention and that many shelters accept volunteers to do just that. My Snoopy has been great through all of my highs and lows. I got him a lil over a year after my dad passed. They have lots of love to give back and they love you no matter what your mental flaws are.
One lady said that she loves to bake when she is down. Someone else said they do big puzzles. It all makes sense, doing something that makes you happy that you like to do that will distract those dark thoughts. The lady that loves to bake said you have to be distracted for the period of time you follow the recipe. You can't walk away or you will forget what ingredients you have added or what step you are on. It really does as I love to bake too. I made some awesome pumpkin bread last weekend with some time I had off from making appearances. I've been too busy to do anything, which has been a good thing. When I have too much time on my hands my mind wanders...not always good. I guess you can say that when I made my bread I was coping in a way. It turned out great and the coworkers loved it.
In the backgroud of the dinner there was artwork displayed from a local artist. He was also videotaping at the dinner. His name was Carlos Duran. Really nice paintings. He stated that whatever was sold that night that the proceeds would go to NAMI. After the dinner he approached me and well, after a very long conversation I was more educated on the history of Cinco de Mayo and booked another appearance at a Latino conference in Muscatine on the morning of October 29th. A lot of youth are supposed to be there and not sure how I will fit in but it is for a good cause and a learning experience for myself. Afterall, my best friend is hispanic and my middle sister is half hispanic and... Mexican food is my favorite. I love the culture and honestly I would love to learn the language and the background of it all. Half of the people I meet think I am one of them anyway, lol and having the name Monica does not help!! LOL!!!! Nothing like some homemade chips and salsa with jalapenos. :)
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Light the Night Walks 2011 (Des Moines and Quad Cities)
On the road again, October 8, 2011 with the pooch for the Light The Night Walk in Des Moines. I was thankful that this time #1 I got to take my dog with me for the day rather than having my best friend come to my house to let him out and him spending the day alone, and #2 I got to SLEEP IN past 7am. Being up early ALL the time and never getting to sleep in when you have a 9-5 career job can take its toll on ya. I got to take my time getting ready and I didn't have to be dressed up! Just my walking shoes, sweats, a comfy shirt, and the pooch. The weather was perfect, upper 70s and Snoopy was more than happy to hop in the car with his mama. :)
I have to be honest, I did not expect so many people. I also did not expect that it was going to be soooooo windy! Snoopy didn't expect us to be at a table right by the band or that there was going to be balloons popping left and right. He is good with crowds, just not good with extreme loud noise. I had to get up and leave my table due to the fact that Snoopy just couldn't take it and the sun was right in our face, lol So we walked around, meeted and greeted, and stood in our line so that we could grab a balloon. Red is for supporter, white is for survivor and gold was for walking in memory of. I was okay when I got my balloon. Snoopy was not, he was literally digging his toenails into the ground with his tail between his legs. I ended up having to take him to the car. Good thing it was starting to get dark out and the night was getting cooler so he wouldn't be hot. I am also thankful I got a close space to the stage so that when it was time to go I could just get to him...
I saw a table where people were writing with markers on a banner and writing on a sticker badge telling if they were walking for or in memory of. I have to be honest here, I think that was one of the hardest things I had to do besides planning the funeral for daddy... Writing his name on the "I'm walking in memory of..." Then I wrote on the banner that I loved him and I missed him so much. After that it was just kind of hard for me. It was like I was in a daze... I think it was actually real. This was my first walk in memory of my daddy and here I was walking around with this sticker that confirmed it. They ran out of gold balloons, maybe that just says something. But there were a lot of white and red which says something too. We have come a long way. People are surviving...
Before the walk started there were people that were going on stage to speak. The walk chair, the honorary patient, and awards for man and woman of the year that raised the most money individually. The man of the year, I think this just set the tone and it broke my heart to hear him speak. About 3 weeks prior to the walk, his two year old had fell off a slide at a park and they go to the doc. They found out he had leukemia. His voice was cracking and I could tell that he was holding back the tears... His son came on stage and he grabs him and hugs him the hardest hug you could imagine. His hair was already a thing of the past. My heart ached for them and tears started to roll down my face. I remember how I hugged my dad in front of my great uncle's house when he told me he had leukemia and I had started to cry. I was trying my best to hold back and I was asked to take the stage to tell my story of my dad. I immediately started to break down crying and had to apologize and pause. I did finish my story and I thanked the crowd for coming out. I know there were over a 1000 people there. It was emotional. As I got off stage there were people including the executive director that hugged me and gave me words of encouragement. Melanie Brown, she is such a comforting and wonderful person. She says to me, "the beautiful thing is, all these people walking here tonight understand exactly how you feel" I don't think she could have said it any better.
We start the walk and all these people are in front of me. I am now alone with my balloon lit in the night. I felt a part of something but at the same time I just did not want to walk alone and really wished that snoopy could have walked but his anxiety got to be too much, and that I can relate to as well... Out of nowhere this lady comes up to me and says, Thank you for sharing and I was hoping to catch up with you. It was like God felt my loneliness and made sure that I was not alone. She was probably old enough to be my mom and she says to me, I feel like you were telling my story. This was her first walk as well and she lost her dad to leukemia when she was 19. I couldn't believe the similarities and all of a sudden I felt like someone really did understand. She walked the whole walk with me with her daughter and grandkids. At the end of the walk she gave me a big hug and I gave her my card after taking pics with her and her family. A weight was lifted. God took care of me just like he always does... It was like she was a guardian angel that came out of nowhere. At the end everyone was letting go of their lighted balloons into the night air. I took the weight off of mine, said a prayer and told my daddy I loved him and watched it go out in the night sky...
I got to the car and snoopy was ready for a potty break before hitting the road. We get back in the car and he gives me a doggie kiss on my cheek. He always knows my heart :)
Quad Cities Walk the following weekend, NOT SO PERFECT!! This time I knew better than to bring the dog, lol The wind was gusting and it was freeeeeezzzzzzzing!!! Not as many people in Des Moines, not even close, but I think we would have had a far better turnout had the weather not been so crazy. We even started a lil earlier since it was already dark and people were cold. Thanks to my friend Clarence, I was able to get a lot more stuff on camera to capture the night. I was even handed a glass/acrylic award with my name on it for being honorary walk chair. It was also amazing because I was able to turn in almost $200 thanks to the office I work for and my mom, and a lil help with donors around P&G supporting the cause. My best friend Noemi and her lil girl even came out despite this horrid weather we had. We walked and got pics. After the walk I let my balloon go. Not the same as the first go round. I was prepared and it was cold, enough to distract my emotions. The only emotion I was able to express was frustration. My car keys were not in my pockets or my crown case. OMG!!! Good thing, somebody knows somebody that knows somebody that owns a tow truck business and was able to get my keys out for me with no charge. THANKS CLARENCE!! LOL!!!
I have to be honest, I did not expect so many people. I also did not expect that it was going to be soooooo windy! Snoopy didn't expect us to be at a table right by the band or that there was going to be balloons popping left and right. He is good with crowds, just not good with extreme loud noise. I had to get up and leave my table due to the fact that Snoopy just couldn't take it and the sun was right in our face, lol So we walked around, meeted and greeted, and stood in our line so that we could grab a balloon. Red is for supporter, white is for survivor and gold was for walking in memory of. I was okay when I got my balloon. Snoopy was not, he was literally digging his toenails into the ground with his tail between his legs. I ended up having to take him to the car. Good thing it was starting to get dark out and the night was getting cooler so he wouldn't be hot. I am also thankful I got a close space to the stage so that when it was time to go I could just get to him...
I saw a table where people were writing with markers on a banner and writing on a sticker badge telling if they were walking for or in memory of. I have to be honest here, I think that was one of the hardest things I had to do besides planning the funeral for daddy... Writing his name on the "I'm walking in memory of..." Then I wrote on the banner that I loved him and I missed him so much. After that it was just kind of hard for me. It was like I was in a daze... I think it was actually real. This was my first walk in memory of my daddy and here I was walking around with this sticker that confirmed it. They ran out of gold balloons, maybe that just says something. But there were a lot of white and red which says something too. We have come a long way. People are surviving...
Before the walk started there were people that were going on stage to speak. The walk chair, the honorary patient, and awards for man and woman of the year that raised the most money individually. The man of the year, I think this just set the tone and it broke my heart to hear him speak. About 3 weeks prior to the walk, his two year old had fell off a slide at a park and they go to the doc. They found out he had leukemia. His voice was cracking and I could tell that he was holding back the tears... His son came on stage and he grabs him and hugs him the hardest hug you could imagine. His hair was already a thing of the past. My heart ached for them and tears started to roll down my face. I remember how I hugged my dad in front of my great uncle's house when he told me he had leukemia and I had started to cry. I was trying my best to hold back and I was asked to take the stage to tell my story of my dad. I immediately started to break down crying and had to apologize and pause. I did finish my story and I thanked the crowd for coming out. I know there were over a 1000 people there. It was emotional. As I got off stage there were people including the executive director that hugged me and gave me words of encouragement. Melanie Brown, she is such a comforting and wonderful person. She says to me, "the beautiful thing is, all these people walking here tonight understand exactly how you feel" I don't think she could have said it any better.
We start the walk and all these people are in front of me. I am now alone with my balloon lit in the night. I felt a part of something but at the same time I just did not want to walk alone and really wished that snoopy could have walked but his anxiety got to be too much, and that I can relate to as well... Out of nowhere this lady comes up to me and says, Thank you for sharing and I was hoping to catch up with you. It was like God felt my loneliness and made sure that I was not alone. She was probably old enough to be my mom and she says to me, I feel like you were telling my story. This was her first walk as well and she lost her dad to leukemia when she was 19. I couldn't believe the similarities and all of a sudden I felt like someone really did understand. She walked the whole walk with me with her daughter and grandkids. At the end of the walk she gave me a big hug and I gave her my card after taking pics with her and her family. A weight was lifted. God took care of me just like he always does... It was like she was a guardian angel that came out of nowhere. At the end everyone was letting go of their lighted balloons into the night air. I took the weight off of mine, said a prayer and told my daddy I loved him and watched it go out in the night sky...
I got to the car and snoopy was ready for a potty break before hitting the road. We get back in the car and he gives me a doggie kiss on my cheek. He always knows my heart :)
Quad Cities Walk the following weekend, NOT SO PERFECT!! This time I knew better than to bring the dog, lol The wind was gusting and it was freeeeeezzzzzzzing!!! Not as many people in Des Moines, not even close, but I think we would have had a far better turnout had the weather not been so crazy. We even started a lil earlier since it was already dark and people were cold. Thanks to my friend Clarence, I was able to get a lot more stuff on camera to capture the night. I was even handed a glass/acrylic award with my name on it for being honorary walk chair. It was also amazing because I was able to turn in almost $200 thanks to the office I work for and my mom, and a lil help with donors around P&G supporting the cause. My best friend Noemi and her lil girl even came out despite this horrid weather we had. We walked and got pics. After the walk I let my balloon go. Not the same as the first go round. I was prepared and it was cold, enough to distract my emotions. The only emotion I was able to express was frustration. My car keys were not in my pockets or my crown case. OMG!!! Good thing, somebody knows somebody that knows somebody that owns a tow truck business and was able to get my keys out for me with no charge. THANKS CLARENCE!! LOL!!!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Live Out Loud Charity Fashion Show!!
Finally, time to blog about the rest of the weekend after the NAMI walk!!! So I completed the NAMI walk and then me and the Snoopy dog had to head home so that I could start packing and getting ready for Part II of my, what I would like to call "Mental Health Weekend". I mean it was, I did the walk in the morning and the rest of the weekend was the Live Out Loud Charity Function.
Live Out Loud Charity was founded by Sherrie Gearheart, a fellow queen friend who I admire so dearly, and was founded for the purpose of helping people who have depression/suicide issues. This organization is dear to her because she had struggled with depression as a teen and it became more real as she lost a childhood friend to suicide. This year was the 2nd annual Fashion Show celebrating life and giving people hope who think their life means nothing. It also gave a look into Sherrie's story and the many venues she is using the organization to accomplish. It was such an honor to be a part of a show that benefits those who are just like me. I can't wait to see the DVD of the show.
This was a super long weekend which started out with a motivational seminar by Jo Jo Sayson who does these seminars all over the country and all over the world. It was really uplifting the things he spoke on to help you see "the light" I felt better coming out than when I did when I came in and that's all that mattered. Not that I was feeling super depressed but I had a lot on my mind and my anxiety had been pretty bad within the past 48 hours prior to my showing up.
Sunday started off to a rough start. I had to be up super early so I had time to get something to eat and my car wouldn't start. I had to get a jump with cables I thought I did not have at 6am and it was freezing! They don't call it the windy city for no reason!! Chicago was chilly that weekend during the night time hours. To my amazement when I go to McDonald's for a bit and I go to get in my trunk for something there was a gray bag that had jumper cables in it. Why was I thinking I didn't have jumper cables? I really should know my mom better than that. She does not let any vehicle of hers go without a set. (being a single parent teaches you a lot of things and one of them is independence to not always depend on a man for everything, I got that from my mama, lol) But this time I had to depend on this kind "man" who was working at the front desk of the hotel for a jump. After that it was waiting around for hair and make-up to be done. That was a majority of the day, well the first half. Honestly, I had only brought my evening gown, the red one, for a just in case deal. I was under the impression that titleholders/models had 2 outfits for the purpose of one for titleholder and one for model. Glad I went with my gut, lol Only problem is, it needed to be fixed with hook and eye replacement and a bigger flatter hook for the band on the inside. Good thing I brought those with me so in the midst of the craziness I was popping a squat with my dress, needle, thread, and the hooks and eyes to repair my gown. THANK GOD FOR BEING FROM A FAMILY OF CRAFTINESS AND SEWERS or I would have been screwed, lol Another thing to thank God for... PAGEANT MOMS, my dress was so wrinkled and needed to be pressed. Two women adopted me for the day and took care of the dress just in time for me to wear it. Love it!! Unfortunately, later on a girl stepped on it and ripped it. Good thing it was on the dress and not the train, so when I walked the train covered the ripped part of the gown. I know she was upset, and boy was I too, but getting all up in arms about it was not going to change the situation or make anybody feel any better. The bright side... well it wasn't my dress I am wearing to nationals :)
So it is Fashion show time and everyone looked great! Some very interesting looks. Very creative designers we had that were area designers. Who is the show starter for the title holders?? You guessed it and boy was I nervous, well, I think it was more of I did not know what to expect when I went out there. I start out and all I see are flashes from cameras. Many rounds of applause. It was awesome. I had bedhead, crazy make-up for my designer and I was dressed in my title attire. Very interesting but it was so much fun. I was really tired though, as there were it least 100 models, male and female. Tight spaces, everyone changing in the same area, trying to get things on and off quickly then waiting for cues. It was a real experience. There were even Indian Designers who had just beautiful colored designs with sparkles everywhere. I was thinking WOW!! The dancers always went in front of their line with a dance. That was awesome from what I could see from the back. Like I said, the DVD will be something to see!! Two of the ladies, Betsy and Michelle, were there from the MJL Foundation and were right in the front row! I could hear them saying my name. It was awesome! A true runway for a purpose and I loved it!
Five hours later of show, it was time to go home. I had work the next day at 8:30 a.m. I got home around 3 or so since I ended up getting lost. I mean, I took the right way home, just not the quickest like the way I had come. The upside was that I didn't have to pay all of those tolls on the way back. Downside, it was like an extra 45 minutes added on my trip. UGH!!! Boy did I sleep and it felt great. I had another week of appearances and things to do. Catching up on sleep has been a task.
Everyone wanted to know details and how it went? Well here it is almost 2 weeks later, lol That just goes to show how busy I have been between work and platforms. Being a titleholder is more than what some people think it is. It takes dedication and hard work if you truly believe in your platform and the purpose. You may hear me say omg, I had to be here there and everywhere, but at the end of the day I wouldn't change any of it for the world and it all goes for a great cause!! GO NAMI!! GO LIVE OUT LOUD CHARITY!!!!
Live Out Loud Charity was founded by Sherrie Gearheart, a fellow queen friend who I admire so dearly, and was founded for the purpose of helping people who have depression/suicide issues. This organization is dear to her because she had struggled with depression as a teen and it became more real as she lost a childhood friend to suicide. This year was the 2nd annual Fashion Show celebrating life and giving people hope who think their life means nothing. It also gave a look into Sherrie's story and the many venues she is using the organization to accomplish. It was such an honor to be a part of a show that benefits those who are just like me. I can't wait to see the DVD of the show.
This was a super long weekend which started out with a motivational seminar by Jo Jo Sayson who does these seminars all over the country and all over the world. It was really uplifting the things he spoke on to help you see "the light" I felt better coming out than when I did when I came in and that's all that mattered. Not that I was feeling super depressed but I had a lot on my mind and my anxiety had been pretty bad within the past 48 hours prior to my showing up.
Sunday started off to a rough start. I had to be up super early so I had time to get something to eat and my car wouldn't start. I had to get a jump with cables I thought I did not have at 6am and it was freezing! They don't call it the windy city for no reason!! Chicago was chilly that weekend during the night time hours. To my amazement when I go to McDonald's for a bit and I go to get in my trunk for something there was a gray bag that had jumper cables in it. Why was I thinking I didn't have jumper cables? I really should know my mom better than that. She does not let any vehicle of hers go without a set. (being a single parent teaches you a lot of things and one of them is independence to not always depend on a man for everything, I got that from my mama, lol) But this time I had to depend on this kind "man" who was working at the front desk of the hotel for a jump. After that it was waiting around for hair and make-up to be done. That was a majority of the day, well the first half. Honestly, I had only brought my evening gown, the red one, for a just in case deal. I was under the impression that titleholders/models had 2 outfits for the purpose of one for titleholder and one for model. Glad I went with my gut, lol Only problem is, it needed to be fixed with hook and eye replacement and a bigger flatter hook for the band on the inside. Good thing I brought those with me so in the midst of the craziness I was popping a squat with my dress, needle, thread, and the hooks and eyes to repair my gown. THANK GOD FOR BEING FROM A FAMILY OF CRAFTINESS AND SEWERS or I would have been screwed, lol Another thing to thank God for... PAGEANT MOMS, my dress was so wrinkled and needed to be pressed. Two women adopted me for the day and took care of the dress just in time for me to wear it. Love it!! Unfortunately, later on a girl stepped on it and ripped it. Good thing it was on the dress and not the train, so when I walked the train covered the ripped part of the gown. I know she was upset, and boy was I too, but getting all up in arms about it was not going to change the situation or make anybody feel any better. The bright side... well it wasn't my dress I am wearing to nationals :)
So it is Fashion show time and everyone looked great! Some very interesting looks. Very creative designers we had that were area designers. Who is the show starter for the title holders?? You guessed it and boy was I nervous, well, I think it was more of I did not know what to expect when I went out there. I start out and all I see are flashes from cameras. Many rounds of applause. It was awesome. I had bedhead, crazy make-up for my designer and I was dressed in my title attire. Very interesting but it was so much fun. I was really tired though, as there were it least 100 models, male and female. Tight spaces, everyone changing in the same area, trying to get things on and off quickly then waiting for cues. It was a real experience. There were even Indian Designers who had just beautiful colored designs with sparkles everywhere. I was thinking WOW!! The dancers always went in front of their line with a dance. That was awesome from what I could see from the back. Like I said, the DVD will be something to see!! Two of the ladies, Betsy and Michelle, were there from the MJL Foundation and were right in the front row! I could hear them saying my name. It was awesome! A true runway for a purpose and I loved it!
Five hours later of show, it was time to go home. I had work the next day at 8:30 a.m. I got home around 3 or so since I ended up getting lost. I mean, I took the right way home, just not the quickest like the way I had come. The upside was that I didn't have to pay all of those tolls on the way back. Downside, it was like an extra 45 minutes added on my trip. UGH!!! Boy did I sleep and it felt great. I had another week of appearances and things to do. Catching up on sleep has been a task.
Everyone wanted to know details and how it went? Well here it is almost 2 weeks later, lol That just goes to show how busy I have been between work and platforms. Being a titleholder is more than what some people think it is. It takes dedication and hard work if you truly believe in your platform and the purpose. You may hear me say omg, I had to be here there and everywhere, but at the end of the day I wouldn't change any of it for the world and it all goes for a great cause!! GO NAMI!! GO LIVE OUT LOUD CHARITY!!!!
Monday, October 10, 2011
NAMI WALK 2011
The past few weeks have been so crazy, but I have enjoyed every minute of it. I wish there were rewards for the mileage on your car because let me tell you, I have been everywhere it seems!! Let's start with Saturday, October 1, 2011.
I was told about this organization, NAMI, through Jay Kidwell of Channel 4 News at a previous appearance. Again, Jay, thank you so much!! This organization is exactly what I needed to be involved with as its mission is my mission through my community service through my platform of mental health awareness. To break the Mental Health Stigma.
I didn't know what to expect when I showed up as far as a crowd, but this was a huge crowd that was full of people with their dogs, including my snoopy, and many people who had mental illnesses of all types, along with their family, friends, and supporters. It felt really good to be around people that actually understand. Many came up to me with hugs, wanting pictures, autographs, and I passed out my cards telling them they could follow my blog as I talk about my appearances and personal dealings with mental illness. One lady came to a table I was standing at with pictures for signing and she introduced herself. I told her I had a mental illness too and that I was recovering from Depression and Anxiety. She said "really?" and I told her I take meds just like she does. Then she told me about her diagnosis and meds she takes. It was this exchange of information that made me realize that me coming out and talking about it is making people more comfortable to talk about it. She had a smile on her face that was not that of exactly joy, but kind of a relief. She shook my hand and thanked me for coming. What people fail to realize is, when I go out in support of mental health, it is not just for their organization or because I am a title holder. This is the first time I am comfortable enough to go public with this and this is my healing in a way. It makes me feel better to be around people and I get chills and a feeling of hope of breaking the stigma as every person comes and shares their stories with me.
When I went on stage with my dog and announced to this large crowd of people my platforms and why I stand before them, there was a huge applause. As I walked off stage, there was the mayor of Davenport and the Mayor of Rock Island. They both thanked me for coming out. I told Mayor Gluba I felt honored to meet him as he was me and that I was happy to finally catch up with him. It was then that we started on our walk at the start of the line and he shared his story about mental illness that runs in his family and how his daughter still struggles with hers to this day. I learned a lot about myself talking to him and what his daughter went through. I couldn't help but question some things that I had done in my past since my dad died that fit some of the things he was talking about. We walked the whole walk together and at the end of the walk he wanted one of my autographed photos and I gave him my card. What a nice person to meet and it makes me feel good that there is someone that high in the community that has their own experiences and backs me in my efforts to spread the word on mental health awareness and breaking the stigma society has unfortunately created.
I took many pics, signed autographs and connected with many people that were there with mental illnesses. Little did I know that these people love to support each other in any of their efforts to do other things. I mentioned my walk for my dad coming up on Friday and many of them want to walk with me. I just want to let any of them know that are reading this I really appreciate it. Thank you again!!
I was told about this organization, NAMI, through Jay Kidwell of Channel 4 News at a previous appearance. Again, Jay, thank you so much!! This organization is exactly what I needed to be involved with as its mission is my mission through my community service through my platform of mental health awareness. To break the Mental Health Stigma.
I didn't know what to expect when I showed up as far as a crowd, but this was a huge crowd that was full of people with their dogs, including my snoopy, and many people who had mental illnesses of all types, along with their family, friends, and supporters. It felt really good to be around people that actually understand. Many came up to me with hugs, wanting pictures, autographs, and I passed out my cards telling them they could follow my blog as I talk about my appearances and personal dealings with mental illness. One lady came to a table I was standing at with pictures for signing and she introduced herself. I told her I had a mental illness too and that I was recovering from Depression and Anxiety. She said "really?" and I told her I take meds just like she does. Then she told me about her diagnosis and meds she takes. It was this exchange of information that made me realize that me coming out and talking about it is making people more comfortable to talk about it. She had a smile on her face that was not that of exactly joy, but kind of a relief. She shook my hand and thanked me for coming. What people fail to realize is, when I go out in support of mental health, it is not just for their organization or because I am a title holder. This is the first time I am comfortable enough to go public with this and this is my healing in a way. It makes me feel better to be around people and I get chills and a feeling of hope of breaking the stigma as every person comes and shares their stories with me.
When I went on stage with my dog and announced to this large crowd of people my platforms and why I stand before them, there was a huge applause. As I walked off stage, there was the mayor of Davenport and the Mayor of Rock Island. They both thanked me for coming out. I told Mayor Gluba I felt honored to meet him as he was me and that I was happy to finally catch up with him. It was then that we started on our walk at the start of the line and he shared his story about mental illness that runs in his family and how his daughter still struggles with hers to this day. I learned a lot about myself talking to him and what his daughter went through. I couldn't help but question some things that I had done in my past since my dad died that fit some of the things he was talking about. We walked the whole walk together and at the end of the walk he wanted one of my autographed photos and I gave him my card. What a nice person to meet and it makes me feel good that there is someone that high in the community that has their own experiences and backs me in my efforts to spread the word on mental health awareness and breaking the stigma society has unfortunately created.
I took many pics, signed autographs and connected with many people that were there with mental illnesses. Little did I know that these people love to support each other in any of their efforts to do other things. I mentioned my walk for my dad coming up on Friday and many of them want to walk with me. I just want to let any of them know that are reading this I really appreciate it. Thank you again!!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Ford Models!!!!!!!
First, I just want to say that I feel very blessed with every opportunity that I have been given in the past year thus far. I in no way imagined that 2011 would be so awesome for me. I was positive about wanting 2011 to be one of the best years yet, but I must say that this year has been exceptional. From my new job, photoshoots, titles, pageants, modeling opportunities and speaking engagements to the community service. I have had a couple of downfalls with a few deaths on both sides of the family and some issues with my mental health, but nothing that has been able to stop me from being able to prosper and keep moving forward.
If you didn't know, I was offered a test shoot with Ford Models scout/photographer Marc Tuscher. If you don't know who this guy is, you HAVE to look him up. He is awesome!! Such a nice guy and knows his stuff and has an awesome eye. I was in Des Moines on Sunday morning bright and early at 9am. I was told to bring all types of clothing. It was just four looks but... I had no idea what was in store for me. When I arrived I laid out all my clothes I had brought and my what seemed like millions of shoes (I won't even tell you how many heels I brought). He picked out all 4 of my looks. I had a lil say in it that he made sure I liked what I was wearing. I would have never put together those outfits that he did, but they were FABULOUS!!!! I was dressed like a model. The weather was a lil chilly but by the pics you would never know it. So we packed up everything I was going to use and everything I wasn't and headed out to the car. We were headed on location, whereever that was, because neither one of us were from the area and had no idea where we were headed... Quite interesting...
So we arrive at the Des Moines Register. I was dressed in black leggings and a purple shirt. Natural make-up, curly hair, gold peep toe shoes to match the gold that was on the chains on the shirt. I was a lil nervous in that I had never just worn tights and a shirt out like that. But I was confident because it looked good with the weight I had lost which means my hard work is paying off!!! We were inside of a bus stop. Now you may be thinking really? But when he kept telling me "beautiful" "big pretty smile" "great" and even showed me some of the pics, I was like "omg, really?" They look very very awesome and some you wouldn't even know I was inside of a bus stop. Except for the ones where I am on the bench... But I was very pleased with the shots that he did show me and I tell ya, I can't wait to get the disc to see the final product!!!
Next change, yes in the back seat of a car, small tight space, I have been in smaller spaces... Super hot and super cold. It's all part of the process and you gotta be quick. Never want to waste time. Next outfit, short khaki shorts, high wedge brown sandals, brown tank, brown pin striped blazer with a lil patch on the side chest like a harry potter or prep school jacket. Never would have put it together and it was so cute!! We were at a dead end where there was metal strips that were red and white striped to show it was a dead end and on the other side was a field. Again, awesome photos. I look so tall, but I guess because my legs are so long looking. It sucked that it was chilly and I had on this little shorts and sandals, but again, you do what you got to do and pretend it is 75 degrees and sunny. Mind over matter. If you can't do it you will never make it in the industry. And honestly, it could have been way colder than it was but it just wasn't. So that made it a lil easier... Just wait until you see these shots!!!!! A serious portfolio upgrade!!
Next stop around the corner, some type of company, not sure what they do and can't remember the name. Their building was outlined in a royal blue and had some glass squared looking windows that only reflect and you can't see in, but we utilized the wall and then that part of the building in the background. Skinny jeans, white tank, blue frilly peep toe heels that I had bought myself for my birthday the first year I was here for the blue and white party. Too cute! One of my fav pairs of shoes and I only wore them once. I should have got the red ones too. I paid a nice penny for them compared to what I usually pay for pumps, but hey, sometimes a girl wants a pair of pumps so bad she gotta have em. I got my eye on some suede royal purple ones. They will be in the wardrobe soon!!!
Now for the last look. My what I like to call "Barbie dress" I havn't been able to fit this dress in years and it is still cute. This is also how I know my weight has really gone down. It is a black fitted a-lind dress with a wide pink neck line and bow at the side of the neck and then a wide pink waist that goes all the way around. Not a belt though. We drove to a place that had these glass looking cubes that made a wall that was like an enclosure. Neat is all I can say. Wore it with black pumps because I feel the pink heels I have, none of the shades came close enough. I felt like a lil girl and I know my mom will be excited about some of these pics. She is a huge barbie fan, especially the vintage barbie and this is something like what the barbie in her day would have worn. I will definitely be getting some of those pics to her. He showed me some of them and they were "cute"
When that was done we were all done and there was more high fives!!! He said I rocked this shoot and I know I can't wait to see what all the pics look like. I just hope that Ford Models NYC will be as impressed as he was. Not really sure how it works when these companies get suggestions from scouts. But we shall see!!! So all in all I felt really great about the shoot and he made me feel better about it as much feed back as he was giving. It did a lot for my model confidence in that I was easy to work with and took direction well and he was so excited about it. I just pray that this is God's plan for me, well, one of them anyway :)
So I was pretty tired after it was all said and done and as you can imagine when I got home... it was bedtime. A nap was way overdue. I had been up since 5am!!! I will tell you that this is the simplest shoot that I have done. Everything was all natural, no jewelry, no accessories, and all I had to do was take direction. I didn't even have to pick the outfits!! I loved it!! Stay tuned for pics and updates! I will have my disc around the end of October!!! You won't want to miss this portfolio update!
I am so blessed to have received such a great opportunity. Too bad I accidentally took the photographer's hat when I grabbed my clothes out of the car. But not to worry!!! I texted him and let him know and he sent me an address to send it back. Nothing like losing or misplacing your favorite accessory, like a hat or watch or pair of shoes... fav shirt... ya know. I promise Marc, it will be in the mail soon!!! LOL!!
If you didn't know, I was offered a test shoot with Ford Models scout/photographer Marc Tuscher. If you don't know who this guy is, you HAVE to look him up. He is awesome!! Such a nice guy and knows his stuff and has an awesome eye. I was in Des Moines on Sunday morning bright and early at 9am. I was told to bring all types of clothing. It was just four looks but... I had no idea what was in store for me. When I arrived I laid out all my clothes I had brought and my what seemed like millions of shoes (I won't even tell you how many heels I brought). He picked out all 4 of my looks. I had a lil say in it that he made sure I liked what I was wearing. I would have never put together those outfits that he did, but they were FABULOUS!!!! I was dressed like a model. The weather was a lil chilly but by the pics you would never know it. So we packed up everything I was going to use and everything I wasn't and headed out to the car. We were headed on location, whereever that was, because neither one of us were from the area and had no idea where we were headed... Quite interesting...
So we arrive at the Des Moines Register. I was dressed in black leggings and a purple shirt. Natural make-up, curly hair, gold peep toe shoes to match the gold that was on the chains on the shirt. I was a lil nervous in that I had never just worn tights and a shirt out like that. But I was confident because it looked good with the weight I had lost which means my hard work is paying off!!! We were inside of a bus stop. Now you may be thinking really? But when he kept telling me "beautiful" "big pretty smile" "great" and even showed me some of the pics, I was like "omg, really?" They look very very awesome and some you wouldn't even know I was inside of a bus stop. Except for the ones where I am on the bench... But I was very pleased with the shots that he did show me and I tell ya, I can't wait to get the disc to see the final product!!!
Next change, yes in the back seat of a car, small tight space, I have been in smaller spaces... Super hot and super cold. It's all part of the process and you gotta be quick. Never want to waste time. Next outfit, short khaki shorts, high wedge brown sandals, brown tank, brown pin striped blazer with a lil patch on the side chest like a harry potter or prep school jacket. Never would have put it together and it was so cute!! We were at a dead end where there was metal strips that were red and white striped to show it was a dead end and on the other side was a field. Again, awesome photos. I look so tall, but I guess because my legs are so long looking. It sucked that it was chilly and I had on this little shorts and sandals, but again, you do what you got to do and pretend it is 75 degrees and sunny. Mind over matter. If you can't do it you will never make it in the industry. And honestly, it could have been way colder than it was but it just wasn't. So that made it a lil easier... Just wait until you see these shots!!!!! A serious portfolio upgrade!!
Next stop around the corner, some type of company, not sure what they do and can't remember the name. Their building was outlined in a royal blue and had some glass squared looking windows that only reflect and you can't see in, but we utilized the wall and then that part of the building in the background. Skinny jeans, white tank, blue frilly peep toe heels that I had bought myself for my birthday the first year I was here for the blue and white party. Too cute! One of my fav pairs of shoes and I only wore them once. I should have got the red ones too. I paid a nice penny for them compared to what I usually pay for pumps, but hey, sometimes a girl wants a pair of pumps so bad she gotta have em. I got my eye on some suede royal purple ones. They will be in the wardrobe soon!!!
Now for the last look. My what I like to call "Barbie dress" I havn't been able to fit this dress in years and it is still cute. This is also how I know my weight has really gone down. It is a black fitted a-lind dress with a wide pink neck line and bow at the side of the neck and then a wide pink waist that goes all the way around. Not a belt though. We drove to a place that had these glass looking cubes that made a wall that was like an enclosure. Neat is all I can say. Wore it with black pumps because I feel the pink heels I have, none of the shades came close enough. I felt like a lil girl and I know my mom will be excited about some of these pics. She is a huge barbie fan, especially the vintage barbie and this is something like what the barbie in her day would have worn. I will definitely be getting some of those pics to her. He showed me some of them and they were "cute"
When that was done we were all done and there was more high fives!!! He said I rocked this shoot and I know I can't wait to see what all the pics look like. I just hope that Ford Models NYC will be as impressed as he was. Not really sure how it works when these companies get suggestions from scouts. But we shall see!!! So all in all I felt really great about the shoot and he made me feel better about it as much feed back as he was giving. It did a lot for my model confidence in that I was easy to work with and took direction well and he was so excited about it. I just pray that this is God's plan for me, well, one of them anyway :)
So I was pretty tired after it was all said and done and as you can imagine when I got home... it was bedtime. A nap was way overdue. I had been up since 5am!!! I will tell you that this is the simplest shoot that I have done. Everything was all natural, no jewelry, no accessories, and all I had to do was take direction. I didn't even have to pick the outfits!! I loved it!! Stay tuned for pics and updates! I will have my disc around the end of October!!! You won't want to miss this portfolio update!
I am so blessed to have received such a great opportunity. Too bad I accidentally took the photographer's hat when I grabbed my clothes out of the car. But not to worry!!! I texted him and let him know and he sent me an address to send it back. Nothing like losing or misplacing your favorite accessory, like a hat or watch or pair of shoes... fav shirt... ya know. I promise Marc, it will be in the mail soon!!! LOL!!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
A Wild Ride!!!!
First of all I must say it seems like I have way too much going on and with every blessing there seems to be a curse or downfall. Mental health is tricky...lol If anyone sits there and tells you that there is a magical medication that will help them forever and they don't ever have to have counseling or any other intervention, they are not being real about it. I learned from talking to my therapist this past Monday that even though you may feel great a lot of the time that sometimes there is a day where your body has a "relapse" per say. Like a diabetic can still get sick even if they are on meds and have a bad day. A person with heart problems that is on heart medication can have a lapse. Mental health is no different. That made me feel a lot better. I tell people I am great and I am happy but... there are a few days out of the year where I just don't have a good day. This is completely normal and that makes me feel confident. Our session basically laid down what I need to work on and how we are going to develop coping skills for things that I have trouble with. I never claimed to be completely cured of mental health as I go out in the community and advocate. Let's just say I got a few wrinkles :)
On the up and up I am excited about the next couple of busy weeks for me. This weekend I will be in Bloomingdale to get fitted for the Live Out Loud Charity fashion show that will take place on October the 2nd. I couldn't be more pleased to be involved with this as it is a charity dedicated to depression and suicide awareness. I will be walking as a model and a title holder so I get to showcase my talents twice! Awesome huh? I also get to share my story with what will probably be my biggest crowd so far with an expected attendance of over 500 people. This will be an amazing but emotional event. For more information please visit http://www.tiaramag.net/. My photos are on there along with information on the show and the other models and titleholders taking part in it. I can't wait to see what they pick out for me to wear! I love doing fashion shows. To top it off I have lost about 13 pounds so I will be happier that I probably get to go down a couple sizes on the clothes they pick :)
Sunday is going to be very interesting. I will be traveling 180 miles in the opposite direction over to Des Moines, IA to test shoot with a model scout photographer for Ford Models NYC. I am truely excited about this opportunity and quite nervous at the same time. I am still trying to decide what outfits I will wear and will be curious as to how he captures my looks. It's always fun working with a new photographer. The last photographer I worked with in Des Moines was Dan Davis. Simply amazing and took one of my most favorite pictures I have in my portfolio. It was like he captured me in a dream. Loved it!! So I am really excited as to how these photos will turn out and what this scout thinks of my photos. This test shoot is definitely a big deal and maybe, just maybe something will happen for me. (fingers crossed, prayers going up) I feel like I have a great portfolio and am looking forward to updating it with even more awesome pics!! I would love to be a print commercial model. (my dream)
Next weekend is the NAMI walk. (National Alliance for Mental Illnesses) Bright and early I will be headed out to Schweibert Park in Rock Island in support of the cause. This may be too big of an event for my snoopy. He did well with the MJL walk but we were just in the hundreds. This crowd is expected to be much bigger and not sure how he will react to some of the entertainment. Clowns may not be his thing and I completely understand that. Plus I will be busy walking around mingling with the crowd. That same day after the walk I will be headed to Addison for rehearsals that night and then up at 5am for the show next day. Talk about your busy Ms. Iowa on the go!! But it will be all for great causes. You don't even want to konw what my following week looks like, LOL!!!
Amongst all of this, we come to the insomnia. You may remember in a previous blog that my doc took me off my trazodone because of the groggyness and the weight gain and me just sleeping my life away. I knew it was time for a change. Unfortunately, it is trial and error again. I was prescribed Ambien to take for my anxiety at night. No luck on half or a whole pill. I was up at 3 am every night. I gave it from that wednesday until the weekend. The doc is not in on Mondays and Tuesdays so I have to wait until Wednesday when she comes in. She calls in another prescription. Klonopin. Same deal. Up every night at 3am toss turn, fidgeting, moving around, silly looks from the dog. My dog usually sleeps right next to me even though we are on a queen sized bed. I like the comfort and I steal his heat, hee hee. He is my lil fur child and he has been very upset with me these past few weeks. All this week, 2am, 3am, 4am. I get the look like "what is your problem? A pooch is tryin to sleep!!" I wish I had taken photos these past few nights. I missed the docs call yesterday so today we are going to try something else. Xanex. I guess it is that bad, but I am to start off with a half pill. You gotta wonder sometimes how I hold my composure and keep it all together. God, family, and good ol Cymbalta that picks me up so I feel great all day.
Mental health is never easy. It's not all in your head and you can't just snap out of it. Even with all the positive things going in my life right now in the next couple of days and months I still struggle at times and that is normal. Never give up on hope. There is always hope. Sometimes it is a matter of finding the right combination of meds, the right therapist, the right enviornment, or the right routine and positive people to surround yourself with. If I can do it, you can too :)
On the up and up I am excited about the next couple of busy weeks for me. This weekend I will be in Bloomingdale to get fitted for the Live Out Loud Charity fashion show that will take place on October the 2nd. I couldn't be more pleased to be involved with this as it is a charity dedicated to depression and suicide awareness. I will be walking as a model and a title holder so I get to showcase my talents twice! Awesome huh? I also get to share my story with what will probably be my biggest crowd so far with an expected attendance of over 500 people. This will be an amazing but emotional event. For more information please visit http://www.tiaramag.net/. My photos are on there along with information on the show and the other models and titleholders taking part in it. I can't wait to see what they pick out for me to wear! I love doing fashion shows. To top it off I have lost about 13 pounds so I will be happier that I probably get to go down a couple sizes on the clothes they pick :)
Sunday is going to be very interesting. I will be traveling 180 miles in the opposite direction over to Des Moines, IA to test shoot with a model scout photographer for Ford Models NYC. I am truely excited about this opportunity and quite nervous at the same time. I am still trying to decide what outfits I will wear and will be curious as to how he captures my looks. It's always fun working with a new photographer. The last photographer I worked with in Des Moines was Dan Davis. Simply amazing and took one of my most favorite pictures I have in my portfolio. It was like he captured me in a dream. Loved it!! So I am really excited as to how these photos will turn out and what this scout thinks of my photos. This test shoot is definitely a big deal and maybe, just maybe something will happen for me. (fingers crossed, prayers going up) I feel like I have a great portfolio and am looking forward to updating it with even more awesome pics!! I would love to be a print commercial model. (my dream)
Next weekend is the NAMI walk. (National Alliance for Mental Illnesses) Bright and early I will be headed out to Schweibert Park in Rock Island in support of the cause. This may be too big of an event for my snoopy. He did well with the MJL walk but we were just in the hundreds. This crowd is expected to be much bigger and not sure how he will react to some of the entertainment. Clowns may not be his thing and I completely understand that. Plus I will be busy walking around mingling with the crowd. That same day after the walk I will be headed to Addison for rehearsals that night and then up at 5am for the show next day. Talk about your busy Ms. Iowa on the go!! But it will be all for great causes. You don't even want to konw what my following week looks like, LOL!!!
Amongst all of this, we come to the insomnia. You may remember in a previous blog that my doc took me off my trazodone because of the groggyness and the weight gain and me just sleeping my life away. I knew it was time for a change. Unfortunately, it is trial and error again. I was prescribed Ambien to take for my anxiety at night. No luck on half or a whole pill. I was up at 3 am every night. I gave it from that wednesday until the weekend. The doc is not in on Mondays and Tuesdays so I have to wait until Wednesday when she comes in. She calls in another prescription. Klonopin. Same deal. Up every night at 3am toss turn, fidgeting, moving around, silly looks from the dog. My dog usually sleeps right next to me even though we are on a queen sized bed. I like the comfort and I steal his heat, hee hee. He is my lil fur child and he has been very upset with me these past few weeks. All this week, 2am, 3am, 4am. I get the look like "what is your problem? A pooch is tryin to sleep!!" I wish I had taken photos these past few nights. I missed the docs call yesterday so today we are going to try something else. Xanex. I guess it is that bad, but I am to start off with a half pill. You gotta wonder sometimes how I hold my composure and keep it all together. God, family, and good ol Cymbalta that picks me up so I feel great all day.
Mental health is never easy. It's not all in your head and you can't just snap out of it. Even with all the positive things going in my life right now in the next couple of days and months I still struggle at times and that is normal. Never give up on hope. There is always hope. Sometimes it is a matter of finding the right combination of meds, the right therapist, the right enviornment, or the right routine and positive people to surround yourself with. If I can do it, you can too :)
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