Gone But Not Forgotten

It's so crazy how my weeks can go up and down, up and down.  I mean, emotionally, or something that just happens and you are like "whoa!!"  This week was one of those weeks.  There was a reason why me and my aunt Daphne were on skype together on Monday night.  We talk a lot on the phone and on skype and I love her so much and it really makes being away from her and my other family so much easier.  She got the call while she was on skype with me and she walks away and says very little.  She comes back teary eyed.  I am shaking my head "no"  She said "his breathing has changed, it is just a matter of time"  I knew she was talking about our Uncle Marion. "Girl" as me and my cousin would joke around with him.  It just brought me to the flashback of when we were all together for his 80th birthday party a few years ago.  Everything was great and we were celebrating together as a family.  He was surprised!  He had that smile as he walked in and sits down slightly crossing his legs.  The way uncle Marion sits and smiles.  That is what I remembered.

We go on talking trying not to cry because it hadn't happened yet, but we knew he probably wouldn't make it through the night.  She continues to call others in the family as I sit there with her.  I was so glad that I was not the one receiving the call this time, but the one getting the information first hand.  Nothing hits the pit of your stomach worse then when you get "the call"  Not even 30 to 45 minutes later my aunt melissa calls her.  She starts to cry harder and I start to cry.  I don't know why, but my Aunt Melissa is always the one who calls to tell somebody that someone is gone.  I remember getting the call from her late night saying that my dad was gone and I should probably go and find my mom.  I hated her for it but you can't kill the messenger.  It is just a fact of life and someone has to be the bearer of bad news. 

The crazy thing is, this wasn't a deal where he was sick for months.  He was only diagnosed with pancreatic cancer a few weeks ago.  Then it was all downhill from there.  Hospice had been called in to assist.  You know it is bad when they call Hospice in.  My aunt told me that he didn't fight or anything and he knew that he was ready to go.  That is understandable.  Now he can be with his wife.  That is what makes me smile.  He does not have to be alone anymore and he does not have to suffer.  It's really hard to type that out.

It will never be the same visiting home and not seeing him out on the porch coming around the corner when visiting good ol Garrard County.  I will miss his talk of strategies about winning the lottery and how he may have a pattern figured out for his numbers to come in.  Driving around town in his big ol truck.  That was good ol Uncle Marion.  I am heartbroken I don't get to say goodbye.  But that is one of those things where you have to deal with what comes at you when you don't live close by and you don't have the time off work to take or the money to just pick up and go.  Today was the visitation.  Tomorrow he will join his nephew/my dad and his wife/my grandmother's sister at Camp Nelson National Cemetary for Veterans.

I love you Uncle Marion and you will never be forgotten.  I will pray for the healing of the broken hearts and the missing feeling that will be a long time felt in those that were close to him.  To my family, I love you and I miss you and I wish I could be there for everyone to share in this time of hardship.  It seems that anymore these are the times when everyone comes together and I can't help but think that last time was when Daddy had passed.  Hugs and prayers, Cousin Monike, Cousin Elaine, Cousin Wayne, and Cousin Ronnie.  I love you all. Your dad will be forever missed but not forgotten...