You can't just "get over it"

For those of you that are still trying to figure things out and are getting frustrated with the people around you because they don't understand... you don't just "get over it"  I have been on meds and have seen a psychiatric nurse practitioner in the past for counseling, went to church, prayed, and all that good stuff that people tell you to do when you are depressed, and here 4, 5, 6, years later I still deal with it.

This weekend is the weekend that people go out and celebrate dads every year.  For me, this is one of the most difficult times of the year, as for anyone who has lost a loved one, they associate certain days/times of the year with the loved ones that are no longer with us.  Every year you may tell yourself, as do I, it is going to be different.  Just in being around other people that know your situation, but have also never been in the situation you are in, they will or may say "you will get over it"  No, it gets easier but you can never be truly "over it" 


Depression is not a switch you can turn on and off.  Here it is almost six years later after my dad's passing and I still have a difficult time with Father's Day weekend.  I have dreaded it, I am not over it, but I am more optimistic about it in that I decided that I wanted to do something to celebrate my dad's life.  I decided that I wanted to let go of some balloons in the air in memory of my daddy.  I first went to dollar tree and don't you know they do not have any solid balloons and if you buy a bag of balloons they will not fill them up.  I was highly disappointed and for a second wanted to cry (that was the depression kicking in.  U get upset easier and maybe even mad/irritated)  I go back to my car and the wheels are turning and I am thinking Factory Card Outlet, 6 balloons (one for each year it has been since he has passed) and colors of red and white for Leukemia and because he was a Louisville fan.  I knew he would appreciate that.  Sometimes God puts a small road block in your path to slow you down and think for a second.  I honestly thought about how many I was going to get after I was turned down the first stop.  I make it back near my house and go to let them go on a dead end when they all go towards the power lines and get stuck. (seriously!!!!!!!) I just thought to myself, either I was rushing things and it really was not time to do something like that, or I was just overthinking and getting too upset just because they got stuck.  I didn't know what to make of what had just happened but it was the thought that counted...right?  I knew it would be okay when I was able to get back in the car and not sit there and dwell on it and get myself upset.  After all, this was to be a celebration of his life, and I am pretty sure he did not want me to just sit there and cry about it.

For some of you that have recently lost loved ones days like this will seem like the worst day ever and you can never know how you will feel.  When I first lost my dad I never thought I would ever be able to go on and feel okay.  Never feel like you have to get over it and you take as long to grieve as you would like.  Remember, everyone is different.  Some people get over it a little easier than others.  Some people get depressed, some people don't.  Our bodies or our minds don't always know how to deal with certain things.  You may be fine for months, maybe even a few years and then it hits you.  I cried a lot the first year.  Did things that were out of the normal for me and had a really different frame of mind.  People were confused about who I was and even I was.  I had even been told to "snap out of it."  If it were just that easy everyone would just "snap out of it."