In a previous blog you may remember me talking about the side effects of abruptly stopping an anti-depressant medication. Being on an antidepressant can work so well that you forget what it is like to even be depressed. I have overcome this illness for the most part, but I still struggle when I don't have my meds or in certain situations like a sudden big change.
You may ask yourselves, how do you just run out of a medication? Why do you wait so long to refill it? Why would a doctor allow you to run out? It is simple. My insurance does not have co-pays and I rely on my doctor from home and the program under Lily, the pharmaceutical company that manufactures Cymbalta. As far as my doctor, who knows... other patients I guess. Or it could be that they are not depressed themselves and do not run out of meds to know how bad the side effects really are unless they experience them themselves. I can't worry myself to death about these questions because in the meantime I am still out of medication.
Just to give you an idea... (I have been trying to reach my doctor for the past 2 weeks by the way, before I ran out of medication) I took my last pill on Saturday, June 25th. Sunday I was okay. Monday morning I felt like a bus had hit me because I had no energy and my head was pounding. All I could do was sleep. It was a struggle to get up to go to the bathroom, take the dog out, and when my phone was acting weird I literally had to pull myself out of bed at 1pm to go and have it serviced to figure out what was wrong with it. (some of you may not think the cell phone thing is a big deal, but I am not from here and have no family close by. Not to mention I have a job where people do worry about me) My appetite has picked up way more than normal by the end of the day. I go from being very happy to my mind overthinking the "what-ifs" "I don't know what I will do if I lose my dog, I don't want to be alone. What is going to happen when my mother passes away?" (she is not even sick) Then I have a crying spell. Again, exhausted. Then the neighbor is blasting music and I am so irritated that I am just in a bad mood like I could just start yelling at anybody. Tuesday I feel well rested because I went to bed and slept even more after sleeping in until about 1pm on Monday. My head is not pounding but there is a slight light headedness that I feel like I am beside myself. That morning I am not too hungry, lunchtime I am starving. Then I am craving food and I just ate. My stomach is okay one minute, the next I am feeling like "why did I eat that?" I am on edge and at one point I just keep eating candy. I am at work looking at my computer screen like I want to cry. Then I am irritated. Finally, it is time to go home for the day. When I get home I am supposed to do laundry and start packing. Instead, I sit down and just stare into silence. Then I start to eat again. Then I want to cry again. Then I am mad.
Today, I wake up feeling slightly nauseated. I am now on edge. I have the chills, racing thoughts and like I could talk a million miles a minute. My head feels like it wants to be dizzy but does not quite make it to the dizziness. I still have an overactive appetite but I can feel it diminishing into not wanting anything. My body is tired because my anxiety levels are up.
At the present time I have been blessed into finding out about programs like Vera French, here in Davenport, IA, which is a community based service for mental health. Once I can get my doctor to talk to them or send records I will be able to start getting my medications under their program. Unfortunately, I am in a tight spot because my doctor is in Kentucky and Lily does not respond like they should for refills for Cymbalta for patients under their program to get free medication because you can not afford. Cymbalta is $150 a bottle for a month supply without insurance. Too bad my insurance does not offer co-pays in order to be able to afford my medication. What lies ahead is probably a change in medication once I can get in for my appointment at the end of August as there is quite a waiting list for any mental health doctor in the area. Going to a general practitioner will not give you the specialized care you will need in order to find the right medication and for them to understand your illness. I wouldn't advise just going to a general doctor for continued care, but if you are experiencing symptoms of mental illness it is best to see someone as soon as possible so that they may refer you to a doctor who specializes in mental illness. The same medication does not work for everybody. And if at all possible, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE ACCESSS WHERE YOU CAN KEEP UP ON MEDS BECAUSE IT WILL MAKE YOU VERY SICK IN A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME.
When you don't have your medication it can take you back to those old feelings of depression that you had previously before you started taking the medication. It can even make it worse making you extra irritable and sensitive to things or situations you may not otherwise react to had you been still taking your medication. Please be sure you let someone you trust and are close to know what is going on. That way if you start to feel really sick someone will know what is going on and can get you the proper care. If you are having increased suicidal thoughts or thoughts of hurting yourself, please go to emergency care IMMEDIATELY!! Even if I don't hear from my doctor within the next couple of days, I will be home in Kentucky by Friday and will be able to stop by and get samples to last me until she is able to get time to get my medical records to the office here. (Don't worry about me, I will be fine and I have let people know what is going on in case something really bad happens that I can not respond)
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