When you are diagnosed with severe depression sometimes counseling is not enough by itself. People toy with the idea as to whether they want to be on a medication for depression or anxiety because they fear that they will be so far gone they do not know who they are or they will be addicted to the medication. Honestly, I had the same fears, but by the time I went to the doctor when I knew something was terribly wrong, you almost don't care as long as you can get something or a plan to get you to feel better than what you do. There are so many misconceptions of depression medications.
What most of you don't know who are thinking about whether you need to be medicated or whether you are on a medication and you have started feeling down again, is that finding the right medication is trial and error, unfortunately... When I went to the doctor for the first time I did not go to a psychiatric doctor but my family doctor. She had me fill out a form that was much like a survey that was used to determine my level of anxiety/depression. Many questions are on there were quite personal but I had to be honest with myself if I intended to get help. According the the number of points that added up from each question there were levels of depression that coincided with the range of numbers where your points may fall. I cried even harder when I saw that my numbers were almost off the scale. I was scared and I just wanted everything to go away. All I kept thinking is "why I am here on this earth?" At that point my doctor put me on a generic for celexa. If I remember right it was 50mg.
Now the first time you take this type of medication you are in a fog. I am not going to tell you that it is all smooth like taking a tylenol or something. You will feel an effect. Your body has to get used to taking an antidepressant. Remember, those things in your brain that control your happy thoughts/your mood is what the medication is geared to target. Anytime you take a medication that effects the brain you will have some type of effect. With me, I just sat there, quiet. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to talk. In fact, just like it says in the side effects of any antidepressant medication that it may increase suicidal thoughts or increase your depression, it did just that. I didn't feel like I wanted to kill myself, but I felt like if anyone told me it was a good idea I would have believed them and maybe even attempted if I felt necessary. You have to really be careful about what you say or do around someone who is just starting on an antidepressant. Many people, including my boyfriend at the time, just did not understand. I felt like he didn't want to. He would say things like "why are you acting like that?" "Why don't you say something?" "Why are you so quiet?" I would just look at him. With not a care in the world. He could have told me the sky was falling and I just would have been like hmmmm, ok. This only lasted about a week, maybe. After that my mood started to improve more and more and I even had energy. I could get out of bed. I wasn't sleeping as much. I felt good.
Then about two months later things changed. I did not feel good anymore. It was time to go back to the doctor. This time she said maybe we should up your dosage and get you some counseling with someone who specializes in this. She recommended me to a psychiatric nurse practitioner in Lexington. (I had went to the doctor in my lil hometown) I met with her the first time and she immediately just switched me over to another medication. That medication being cymbalta. When you are transitioning from medication to the other you have to slowly wean yourself off one to start another. She lowered my dosage of the celexa and within a two weeks time I was on just the Cymbalta, low dosage at 30mg. My sessions with her were very helpful and eventually I was upped to 60mg as she saw how bad my depression truely was. Unfortunately, taking antidepressants can have side effects. Let's just say it magnified my anxiety levels and I could not relax to save my life!! I would go to sleep but my body wouldn't sleep. I got up at an ungodly early time and pretty soon my boyfriend was like you are jittery and I can't sleep that good when you keep moving. SO I had to tell my doctor what was going on. She put me on 50mg of trazodone which I take at night. This helped SOOOOO much. I was able to relax, I was falling asleep better and sleeping through the night. With this combination my anxiety had improved along with my mood. My weekly visits turned into every other week. It felt great. Then there was that point where she told me I didn't have to come on a regular basis anymore. It felt good.
I wanted to tell you that you must pay very close attention to any warnings. Don't ever abruptly stop an antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication. It has some serious side effects that can make you very sick. When I lost my health care coverage I was not able to fill my prescriptions as Cymbalta is a whopping $147 a bottle for a 30 day supply. Lilly pharmaceuticals understands this and has a program that allows you to get meds for free. Unfortunately, they don't always refill right away on your request. A few times too many I have dealt with being sick because I have ran out of meds and waiting to get samples from my doc in the mail because I live out of state is no fun. I would get dizzy, moody, crying spells, fevers, and even nautious. As you can imagine I have had it from both ends of the body. Not that great of a feeling. Once I do get my meds it take a few days for the symptoms to go away. Not fun.
Other than that, I feel that being medicated is so worth it. If you have any questions regarding medications of this sort or if you are toying with the idea that maybe you need to be medicated, please feel free to contact me!!! To this day, even 3 years later I am still doing fine with my meds. Not addicted. Not any different of a person. I am I guess you could say, back to my self or "normal" I am not completely cured, I do have some days where I still deal with depression during difficult times of the year or certain situations that bring it out, but I am more happy than not and that is what is important.
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