On the road again, October 8, 2011 with the pooch for the Light The Night Walk in Des Moines. I was thankful that this time #1 I got to take my dog with me for the day rather than having my best friend come to my house to let him out and him spending the day alone, and #2 I got to SLEEP IN past 7am. Being up early ALL the time and never getting to sleep in when you have a 9-5 career job can take its toll on ya. I got to take my time getting ready and I didn't have to be dressed up! Just my walking shoes, sweats, a comfy shirt, and the pooch. The weather was perfect, upper 70s and Snoopy was more than happy to hop in the car with his mama. :)
I have to be honest, I did not expect so many people. I also did not expect that it was going to be soooooo windy! Snoopy didn't expect us to be at a table right by the band or that there was going to be balloons popping left and right. He is good with crowds, just not good with extreme loud noise. I had to get up and leave my table due to the fact that Snoopy just couldn't take it and the sun was right in our face, lol So we walked around, meeted and greeted, and stood in our line so that we could grab a balloon. Red is for supporter, white is for survivor and gold was for walking in memory of. I was okay when I got my balloon. Snoopy was not, he was literally digging his toenails into the ground with his tail between his legs. I ended up having to take him to the car. Good thing it was starting to get dark out and the night was getting cooler so he wouldn't be hot. I am also thankful I got a close space to the stage so that when it was time to go I could just get to him...
I saw a table where people were writing with markers on a banner and writing on a sticker badge telling if they were walking for or in memory of. I have to be honest here, I think that was one of the hardest things I had to do besides planning the funeral for daddy... Writing his name on the "I'm walking in memory of..." Then I wrote on the banner that I loved him and I missed him so much. After that it was just kind of hard for me. It was like I was in a daze... I think it was actually real. This was my first walk in memory of my daddy and here I was walking around with this sticker that confirmed it. They ran out of gold balloons, maybe that just says something. But there were a lot of white and red which says something too. We have come a long way. People are surviving...
Before the walk started there were people that were going on stage to speak. The walk chair, the honorary patient, and awards for man and woman of the year that raised the most money individually. The man of the year, I think this just set the tone and it broke my heart to hear him speak. About 3 weeks prior to the walk, his two year old had fell off a slide at a park and they go to the doc. They found out he had leukemia. His voice was cracking and I could tell that he was holding back the tears... His son came on stage and he grabs him and hugs him the hardest hug you could imagine. His hair was already a thing of the past. My heart ached for them and tears started to roll down my face. I remember how I hugged my dad in front of my great uncle's house when he told me he had leukemia and I had started to cry. I was trying my best to hold back and I was asked to take the stage to tell my story of my dad. I immediately started to break down crying and had to apologize and pause. I did finish my story and I thanked the crowd for coming out. I know there were over a 1000 people there. It was emotional. As I got off stage there were people including the executive director that hugged me and gave me words of encouragement. Melanie Brown, she is such a comforting and wonderful person. She says to me, "the beautiful thing is, all these people walking here tonight understand exactly how you feel" I don't think she could have said it any better.
We start the walk and all these people are in front of me. I am now alone with my balloon lit in the night. I felt a part of something but at the same time I just did not want to walk alone and really wished that snoopy could have walked but his anxiety got to be too much, and that I can relate to as well... Out of nowhere this lady comes up to me and says, Thank you for sharing and I was hoping to catch up with you. It was like God felt my loneliness and made sure that I was not alone. She was probably old enough to be my mom and she says to me, I feel like you were telling my story. This was her first walk as well and she lost her dad to leukemia when she was 19. I couldn't believe the similarities and all of a sudden I felt like someone really did understand. She walked the whole walk with me with her daughter and grandkids. At the end of the walk she gave me a big hug and I gave her my card after taking pics with her and her family. A weight was lifted. God took care of me just like he always does... It was like she was a guardian angel that came out of nowhere. At the end everyone was letting go of their lighted balloons into the night air. I took the weight off of mine, said a prayer and told my daddy I loved him and watched it go out in the night sky...
I got to the car and snoopy was ready for a potty break before hitting the road. We get back in the car and he gives me a doggie kiss on my cheek. He always knows my heart :)
Quad Cities Walk the following weekend, NOT SO PERFECT!! This time I knew better than to bring the dog, lol The wind was gusting and it was freeeeeezzzzzzzing!!! Not as many people in Des Moines, not even close, but I think we would have had a far better turnout had the weather not been so crazy. We even started a lil earlier since it was already dark and people were cold. Thanks to my friend Clarence, I was able to get a lot more stuff on camera to capture the night. I was even handed a glass/acrylic award with my name on it for being honorary walk chair. It was also amazing because I was able to turn in almost $200 thanks to the office I work for and my mom, and a lil help with donors around P&G supporting the cause. My best friend Noemi and her lil girl even came out despite this horrid weather we had. We walked and got pics. After the walk I let my balloon go. Not the same as the first go round. I was prepared and it was cold, enough to distract my emotions. The only emotion I was able to express was frustration. My car keys were not in my pockets or my crown case. OMG!!! Good thing, somebody knows somebody that knows somebody that owns a tow truck business and was able to get my keys out for me with no charge. THANKS CLARENCE!! LOL!!!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Live Out Loud Charity Fashion Show!!
Finally, time to blog about the rest of the weekend after the NAMI walk!!! So I completed the NAMI walk and then me and the Snoopy dog had to head home so that I could start packing and getting ready for Part II of my, what I would like to call "Mental Health Weekend". I mean it was, I did the walk in the morning and the rest of the weekend was the Live Out Loud Charity Function.
Live Out Loud Charity was founded by Sherrie Gearheart, a fellow queen friend who I admire so dearly, and was founded for the purpose of helping people who have depression/suicide issues. This organization is dear to her because she had struggled with depression as a teen and it became more real as she lost a childhood friend to suicide. This year was the 2nd annual Fashion Show celebrating life and giving people hope who think their life means nothing. It also gave a look into Sherrie's story and the many venues she is using the organization to accomplish. It was such an honor to be a part of a show that benefits those who are just like me. I can't wait to see the DVD of the show.
This was a super long weekend which started out with a motivational seminar by Jo Jo Sayson who does these seminars all over the country and all over the world. It was really uplifting the things he spoke on to help you see "the light" I felt better coming out than when I did when I came in and that's all that mattered. Not that I was feeling super depressed but I had a lot on my mind and my anxiety had been pretty bad within the past 48 hours prior to my showing up.
Sunday started off to a rough start. I had to be up super early so I had time to get something to eat and my car wouldn't start. I had to get a jump with cables I thought I did not have at 6am and it was freezing! They don't call it the windy city for no reason!! Chicago was chilly that weekend during the night time hours. To my amazement when I go to McDonald's for a bit and I go to get in my trunk for something there was a gray bag that had jumper cables in it. Why was I thinking I didn't have jumper cables? I really should know my mom better than that. She does not let any vehicle of hers go without a set. (being a single parent teaches you a lot of things and one of them is independence to not always depend on a man for everything, I got that from my mama, lol) But this time I had to depend on this kind "man" who was working at the front desk of the hotel for a jump. After that it was waiting around for hair and make-up to be done. That was a majority of the day, well the first half. Honestly, I had only brought my evening gown, the red one, for a just in case deal. I was under the impression that titleholders/models had 2 outfits for the purpose of one for titleholder and one for model. Glad I went with my gut, lol Only problem is, it needed to be fixed with hook and eye replacement and a bigger flatter hook for the band on the inside. Good thing I brought those with me so in the midst of the craziness I was popping a squat with my dress, needle, thread, and the hooks and eyes to repair my gown. THANK GOD FOR BEING FROM A FAMILY OF CRAFTINESS AND SEWERS or I would have been screwed, lol Another thing to thank God for... PAGEANT MOMS, my dress was so wrinkled and needed to be pressed. Two women adopted me for the day and took care of the dress just in time for me to wear it. Love it!! Unfortunately, later on a girl stepped on it and ripped it. Good thing it was on the dress and not the train, so when I walked the train covered the ripped part of the gown. I know she was upset, and boy was I too, but getting all up in arms about it was not going to change the situation or make anybody feel any better. The bright side... well it wasn't my dress I am wearing to nationals :)
So it is Fashion show time and everyone looked great! Some very interesting looks. Very creative designers we had that were area designers. Who is the show starter for the title holders?? You guessed it and boy was I nervous, well, I think it was more of I did not know what to expect when I went out there. I start out and all I see are flashes from cameras. Many rounds of applause. It was awesome. I had bedhead, crazy make-up for my designer and I was dressed in my title attire. Very interesting but it was so much fun. I was really tired though, as there were it least 100 models, male and female. Tight spaces, everyone changing in the same area, trying to get things on and off quickly then waiting for cues. It was a real experience. There were even Indian Designers who had just beautiful colored designs with sparkles everywhere. I was thinking WOW!! The dancers always went in front of their line with a dance. That was awesome from what I could see from the back. Like I said, the DVD will be something to see!! Two of the ladies, Betsy and Michelle, were there from the MJL Foundation and were right in the front row! I could hear them saying my name. It was awesome! A true runway for a purpose and I loved it!
Five hours later of show, it was time to go home. I had work the next day at 8:30 a.m. I got home around 3 or so since I ended up getting lost. I mean, I took the right way home, just not the quickest like the way I had come. The upside was that I didn't have to pay all of those tolls on the way back. Downside, it was like an extra 45 minutes added on my trip. UGH!!! Boy did I sleep and it felt great. I had another week of appearances and things to do. Catching up on sleep has been a task.
Everyone wanted to know details and how it went? Well here it is almost 2 weeks later, lol That just goes to show how busy I have been between work and platforms. Being a titleholder is more than what some people think it is. It takes dedication and hard work if you truly believe in your platform and the purpose. You may hear me say omg, I had to be here there and everywhere, but at the end of the day I wouldn't change any of it for the world and it all goes for a great cause!! GO NAMI!! GO LIVE OUT LOUD CHARITY!!!!
Live Out Loud Charity was founded by Sherrie Gearheart, a fellow queen friend who I admire so dearly, and was founded for the purpose of helping people who have depression/suicide issues. This organization is dear to her because she had struggled with depression as a teen and it became more real as she lost a childhood friend to suicide. This year was the 2nd annual Fashion Show celebrating life and giving people hope who think their life means nothing. It also gave a look into Sherrie's story and the many venues she is using the organization to accomplish. It was such an honor to be a part of a show that benefits those who are just like me. I can't wait to see the DVD of the show.
This was a super long weekend which started out with a motivational seminar by Jo Jo Sayson who does these seminars all over the country and all over the world. It was really uplifting the things he spoke on to help you see "the light" I felt better coming out than when I did when I came in and that's all that mattered. Not that I was feeling super depressed but I had a lot on my mind and my anxiety had been pretty bad within the past 48 hours prior to my showing up.
Sunday started off to a rough start. I had to be up super early so I had time to get something to eat and my car wouldn't start. I had to get a jump with cables I thought I did not have at 6am and it was freezing! They don't call it the windy city for no reason!! Chicago was chilly that weekend during the night time hours. To my amazement when I go to McDonald's for a bit and I go to get in my trunk for something there was a gray bag that had jumper cables in it. Why was I thinking I didn't have jumper cables? I really should know my mom better than that. She does not let any vehicle of hers go without a set. (being a single parent teaches you a lot of things and one of them is independence to not always depend on a man for everything, I got that from my mama, lol) But this time I had to depend on this kind "man" who was working at the front desk of the hotel for a jump. After that it was waiting around for hair and make-up to be done. That was a majority of the day, well the first half. Honestly, I had only brought my evening gown, the red one, for a just in case deal. I was under the impression that titleholders/models had 2 outfits for the purpose of one for titleholder and one for model. Glad I went with my gut, lol Only problem is, it needed to be fixed with hook and eye replacement and a bigger flatter hook for the band on the inside. Good thing I brought those with me so in the midst of the craziness I was popping a squat with my dress, needle, thread, and the hooks and eyes to repair my gown. THANK GOD FOR BEING FROM A FAMILY OF CRAFTINESS AND SEWERS or I would have been screwed, lol Another thing to thank God for... PAGEANT MOMS, my dress was so wrinkled and needed to be pressed. Two women adopted me for the day and took care of the dress just in time for me to wear it. Love it!! Unfortunately, later on a girl stepped on it and ripped it. Good thing it was on the dress and not the train, so when I walked the train covered the ripped part of the gown. I know she was upset, and boy was I too, but getting all up in arms about it was not going to change the situation or make anybody feel any better. The bright side... well it wasn't my dress I am wearing to nationals :)
So it is Fashion show time and everyone looked great! Some very interesting looks. Very creative designers we had that were area designers. Who is the show starter for the title holders?? You guessed it and boy was I nervous, well, I think it was more of I did not know what to expect when I went out there. I start out and all I see are flashes from cameras. Many rounds of applause. It was awesome. I had bedhead, crazy make-up for my designer and I was dressed in my title attire. Very interesting but it was so much fun. I was really tired though, as there were it least 100 models, male and female. Tight spaces, everyone changing in the same area, trying to get things on and off quickly then waiting for cues. It was a real experience. There were even Indian Designers who had just beautiful colored designs with sparkles everywhere. I was thinking WOW!! The dancers always went in front of their line with a dance. That was awesome from what I could see from the back. Like I said, the DVD will be something to see!! Two of the ladies, Betsy and Michelle, were there from the MJL Foundation and were right in the front row! I could hear them saying my name. It was awesome! A true runway for a purpose and I loved it!
Five hours later of show, it was time to go home. I had work the next day at 8:30 a.m. I got home around 3 or so since I ended up getting lost. I mean, I took the right way home, just not the quickest like the way I had come. The upside was that I didn't have to pay all of those tolls on the way back. Downside, it was like an extra 45 minutes added on my trip. UGH!!! Boy did I sleep and it felt great. I had another week of appearances and things to do. Catching up on sleep has been a task.
Everyone wanted to know details and how it went? Well here it is almost 2 weeks later, lol That just goes to show how busy I have been between work and platforms. Being a titleholder is more than what some people think it is. It takes dedication and hard work if you truly believe in your platform and the purpose. You may hear me say omg, I had to be here there and everywhere, but at the end of the day I wouldn't change any of it for the world and it all goes for a great cause!! GO NAMI!! GO LIVE OUT LOUD CHARITY!!!!
Monday, October 10, 2011
NAMI WALK 2011
The past few weeks have been so crazy, but I have enjoyed every minute of it. I wish there were rewards for the mileage on your car because let me tell you, I have been everywhere it seems!! Let's start with Saturday, October 1, 2011.
I was told about this organization, NAMI, through Jay Kidwell of Channel 4 News at a previous appearance. Again, Jay, thank you so much!! This organization is exactly what I needed to be involved with as its mission is my mission through my community service through my platform of mental health awareness. To break the Mental Health Stigma.
I didn't know what to expect when I showed up as far as a crowd, but this was a huge crowd that was full of people with their dogs, including my snoopy, and many people who had mental illnesses of all types, along with their family, friends, and supporters. It felt really good to be around people that actually understand. Many came up to me with hugs, wanting pictures, autographs, and I passed out my cards telling them they could follow my blog as I talk about my appearances and personal dealings with mental illness. One lady came to a table I was standing at with pictures for signing and she introduced herself. I told her I had a mental illness too and that I was recovering from Depression and Anxiety. She said "really?" and I told her I take meds just like she does. Then she told me about her diagnosis and meds she takes. It was this exchange of information that made me realize that me coming out and talking about it is making people more comfortable to talk about it. She had a smile on her face that was not that of exactly joy, but kind of a relief. She shook my hand and thanked me for coming. What people fail to realize is, when I go out in support of mental health, it is not just for their organization or because I am a title holder. This is the first time I am comfortable enough to go public with this and this is my healing in a way. It makes me feel better to be around people and I get chills and a feeling of hope of breaking the stigma as every person comes and shares their stories with me.
When I went on stage with my dog and announced to this large crowd of people my platforms and why I stand before them, there was a huge applause. As I walked off stage, there was the mayor of Davenport and the Mayor of Rock Island. They both thanked me for coming out. I told Mayor Gluba I felt honored to meet him as he was me and that I was happy to finally catch up with him. It was then that we started on our walk at the start of the line and he shared his story about mental illness that runs in his family and how his daughter still struggles with hers to this day. I learned a lot about myself talking to him and what his daughter went through. I couldn't help but question some things that I had done in my past since my dad died that fit some of the things he was talking about. We walked the whole walk together and at the end of the walk he wanted one of my autographed photos and I gave him my card. What a nice person to meet and it makes me feel good that there is someone that high in the community that has their own experiences and backs me in my efforts to spread the word on mental health awareness and breaking the stigma society has unfortunately created.
I took many pics, signed autographs and connected with many people that were there with mental illnesses. Little did I know that these people love to support each other in any of their efforts to do other things. I mentioned my walk for my dad coming up on Friday and many of them want to walk with me. I just want to let any of them know that are reading this I really appreciate it. Thank you again!!
I was told about this organization, NAMI, through Jay Kidwell of Channel 4 News at a previous appearance. Again, Jay, thank you so much!! This organization is exactly what I needed to be involved with as its mission is my mission through my community service through my platform of mental health awareness. To break the Mental Health Stigma.
I didn't know what to expect when I showed up as far as a crowd, but this was a huge crowd that was full of people with their dogs, including my snoopy, and many people who had mental illnesses of all types, along with their family, friends, and supporters. It felt really good to be around people that actually understand. Many came up to me with hugs, wanting pictures, autographs, and I passed out my cards telling them they could follow my blog as I talk about my appearances and personal dealings with mental illness. One lady came to a table I was standing at with pictures for signing and she introduced herself. I told her I had a mental illness too and that I was recovering from Depression and Anxiety. She said "really?" and I told her I take meds just like she does. Then she told me about her diagnosis and meds she takes. It was this exchange of information that made me realize that me coming out and talking about it is making people more comfortable to talk about it. She had a smile on her face that was not that of exactly joy, but kind of a relief. She shook my hand and thanked me for coming. What people fail to realize is, when I go out in support of mental health, it is not just for their organization or because I am a title holder. This is the first time I am comfortable enough to go public with this and this is my healing in a way. It makes me feel better to be around people and I get chills and a feeling of hope of breaking the stigma as every person comes and shares their stories with me.
When I went on stage with my dog and announced to this large crowd of people my platforms and why I stand before them, there was a huge applause. As I walked off stage, there was the mayor of Davenport and the Mayor of Rock Island. They both thanked me for coming out. I told Mayor Gluba I felt honored to meet him as he was me and that I was happy to finally catch up with him. It was then that we started on our walk at the start of the line and he shared his story about mental illness that runs in his family and how his daughter still struggles with hers to this day. I learned a lot about myself talking to him and what his daughter went through. I couldn't help but question some things that I had done in my past since my dad died that fit some of the things he was talking about. We walked the whole walk together and at the end of the walk he wanted one of my autographed photos and I gave him my card. What a nice person to meet and it makes me feel good that there is someone that high in the community that has their own experiences and backs me in my efforts to spread the word on mental health awareness and breaking the stigma society has unfortunately created.
I took many pics, signed autographs and connected with many people that were there with mental illnesses. Little did I know that these people love to support each other in any of their efforts to do other things. I mentioned my walk for my dad coming up on Friday and many of them want to walk with me. I just want to let any of them know that are reading this I really appreciate it. Thank you again!!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Ford Models!!!!!!!
First, I just want to say that I feel very blessed with every opportunity that I have been given in the past year thus far. I in no way imagined that 2011 would be so awesome for me. I was positive about wanting 2011 to be one of the best years yet, but I must say that this year has been exceptional. From my new job, photoshoots, titles, pageants, modeling opportunities and speaking engagements to the community service. I have had a couple of downfalls with a few deaths on both sides of the family and some issues with my mental health, but nothing that has been able to stop me from being able to prosper and keep moving forward.
If you didn't know, I was offered a test shoot with Ford Models scout/photographer Marc Tuscher. If you don't know who this guy is, you HAVE to look him up. He is awesome!! Such a nice guy and knows his stuff and has an awesome eye. I was in Des Moines on Sunday morning bright and early at 9am. I was told to bring all types of clothing. It was just four looks but... I had no idea what was in store for me. When I arrived I laid out all my clothes I had brought and my what seemed like millions of shoes (I won't even tell you how many heels I brought). He picked out all 4 of my looks. I had a lil say in it that he made sure I liked what I was wearing. I would have never put together those outfits that he did, but they were FABULOUS!!!! I was dressed like a model. The weather was a lil chilly but by the pics you would never know it. So we packed up everything I was going to use and everything I wasn't and headed out to the car. We were headed on location, whereever that was, because neither one of us were from the area and had no idea where we were headed... Quite interesting...
So we arrive at the Des Moines Register. I was dressed in black leggings and a purple shirt. Natural make-up, curly hair, gold peep toe shoes to match the gold that was on the chains on the shirt. I was a lil nervous in that I had never just worn tights and a shirt out like that. But I was confident because it looked good with the weight I had lost which means my hard work is paying off!!! We were inside of a bus stop. Now you may be thinking really? But when he kept telling me "beautiful" "big pretty smile" "great" and even showed me some of the pics, I was like "omg, really?" They look very very awesome and some you wouldn't even know I was inside of a bus stop. Except for the ones where I am on the bench... But I was very pleased with the shots that he did show me and I tell ya, I can't wait to get the disc to see the final product!!!
Next change, yes in the back seat of a car, small tight space, I have been in smaller spaces... Super hot and super cold. It's all part of the process and you gotta be quick. Never want to waste time. Next outfit, short khaki shorts, high wedge brown sandals, brown tank, brown pin striped blazer with a lil patch on the side chest like a harry potter or prep school jacket. Never would have put it together and it was so cute!! We were at a dead end where there was metal strips that were red and white striped to show it was a dead end and on the other side was a field. Again, awesome photos. I look so tall, but I guess because my legs are so long looking. It sucked that it was chilly and I had on this little shorts and sandals, but again, you do what you got to do and pretend it is 75 degrees and sunny. Mind over matter. If you can't do it you will never make it in the industry. And honestly, it could have been way colder than it was but it just wasn't. So that made it a lil easier... Just wait until you see these shots!!!!! A serious portfolio upgrade!!
Next stop around the corner, some type of company, not sure what they do and can't remember the name. Their building was outlined in a royal blue and had some glass squared looking windows that only reflect and you can't see in, but we utilized the wall and then that part of the building in the background. Skinny jeans, white tank, blue frilly peep toe heels that I had bought myself for my birthday the first year I was here for the blue and white party. Too cute! One of my fav pairs of shoes and I only wore them once. I should have got the red ones too. I paid a nice penny for them compared to what I usually pay for pumps, but hey, sometimes a girl wants a pair of pumps so bad she gotta have em. I got my eye on some suede royal purple ones. They will be in the wardrobe soon!!!
Now for the last look. My what I like to call "Barbie dress" I havn't been able to fit this dress in years and it is still cute. This is also how I know my weight has really gone down. It is a black fitted a-lind dress with a wide pink neck line and bow at the side of the neck and then a wide pink waist that goes all the way around. Not a belt though. We drove to a place that had these glass looking cubes that made a wall that was like an enclosure. Neat is all I can say. Wore it with black pumps because I feel the pink heels I have, none of the shades came close enough. I felt like a lil girl and I know my mom will be excited about some of these pics. She is a huge barbie fan, especially the vintage barbie and this is something like what the barbie in her day would have worn. I will definitely be getting some of those pics to her. He showed me some of them and they were "cute"
When that was done we were all done and there was more high fives!!! He said I rocked this shoot and I know I can't wait to see what all the pics look like. I just hope that Ford Models NYC will be as impressed as he was. Not really sure how it works when these companies get suggestions from scouts. But we shall see!!! So all in all I felt really great about the shoot and he made me feel better about it as much feed back as he was giving. It did a lot for my model confidence in that I was easy to work with and took direction well and he was so excited about it. I just pray that this is God's plan for me, well, one of them anyway :)
So I was pretty tired after it was all said and done and as you can imagine when I got home... it was bedtime. A nap was way overdue. I had been up since 5am!!! I will tell you that this is the simplest shoot that I have done. Everything was all natural, no jewelry, no accessories, and all I had to do was take direction. I didn't even have to pick the outfits!! I loved it!! Stay tuned for pics and updates! I will have my disc around the end of October!!! You won't want to miss this portfolio update!
I am so blessed to have received such a great opportunity. Too bad I accidentally took the photographer's hat when I grabbed my clothes out of the car. But not to worry!!! I texted him and let him know and he sent me an address to send it back. Nothing like losing or misplacing your favorite accessory, like a hat or watch or pair of shoes... fav shirt... ya know. I promise Marc, it will be in the mail soon!!! LOL!!
If you didn't know, I was offered a test shoot with Ford Models scout/photographer Marc Tuscher. If you don't know who this guy is, you HAVE to look him up. He is awesome!! Such a nice guy and knows his stuff and has an awesome eye. I was in Des Moines on Sunday morning bright and early at 9am. I was told to bring all types of clothing. It was just four looks but... I had no idea what was in store for me. When I arrived I laid out all my clothes I had brought and my what seemed like millions of shoes (I won't even tell you how many heels I brought). He picked out all 4 of my looks. I had a lil say in it that he made sure I liked what I was wearing. I would have never put together those outfits that he did, but they were FABULOUS!!!! I was dressed like a model. The weather was a lil chilly but by the pics you would never know it. So we packed up everything I was going to use and everything I wasn't and headed out to the car. We were headed on location, whereever that was, because neither one of us were from the area and had no idea where we were headed... Quite interesting...
So we arrive at the Des Moines Register. I was dressed in black leggings and a purple shirt. Natural make-up, curly hair, gold peep toe shoes to match the gold that was on the chains on the shirt. I was a lil nervous in that I had never just worn tights and a shirt out like that. But I was confident because it looked good with the weight I had lost which means my hard work is paying off!!! We were inside of a bus stop. Now you may be thinking really? But when he kept telling me "beautiful" "big pretty smile" "great" and even showed me some of the pics, I was like "omg, really?" They look very very awesome and some you wouldn't even know I was inside of a bus stop. Except for the ones where I am on the bench... But I was very pleased with the shots that he did show me and I tell ya, I can't wait to get the disc to see the final product!!!
Next change, yes in the back seat of a car, small tight space, I have been in smaller spaces... Super hot and super cold. It's all part of the process and you gotta be quick. Never want to waste time. Next outfit, short khaki shorts, high wedge brown sandals, brown tank, brown pin striped blazer with a lil patch on the side chest like a harry potter or prep school jacket. Never would have put it together and it was so cute!! We were at a dead end where there was metal strips that were red and white striped to show it was a dead end and on the other side was a field. Again, awesome photos. I look so tall, but I guess because my legs are so long looking. It sucked that it was chilly and I had on this little shorts and sandals, but again, you do what you got to do and pretend it is 75 degrees and sunny. Mind over matter. If you can't do it you will never make it in the industry. And honestly, it could have been way colder than it was but it just wasn't. So that made it a lil easier... Just wait until you see these shots!!!!! A serious portfolio upgrade!!
Next stop around the corner, some type of company, not sure what they do and can't remember the name. Their building was outlined in a royal blue and had some glass squared looking windows that only reflect and you can't see in, but we utilized the wall and then that part of the building in the background. Skinny jeans, white tank, blue frilly peep toe heels that I had bought myself for my birthday the first year I was here for the blue and white party. Too cute! One of my fav pairs of shoes and I only wore them once. I should have got the red ones too. I paid a nice penny for them compared to what I usually pay for pumps, but hey, sometimes a girl wants a pair of pumps so bad she gotta have em. I got my eye on some suede royal purple ones. They will be in the wardrobe soon!!!
Now for the last look. My what I like to call "Barbie dress" I havn't been able to fit this dress in years and it is still cute. This is also how I know my weight has really gone down. It is a black fitted a-lind dress with a wide pink neck line and bow at the side of the neck and then a wide pink waist that goes all the way around. Not a belt though. We drove to a place that had these glass looking cubes that made a wall that was like an enclosure. Neat is all I can say. Wore it with black pumps because I feel the pink heels I have, none of the shades came close enough. I felt like a lil girl and I know my mom will be excited about some of these pics. She is a huge barbie fan, especially the vintage barbie and this is something like what the barbie in her day would have worn. I will definitely be getting some of those pics to her. He showed me some of them and they were "cute"
When that was done we were all done and there was more high fives!!! He said I rocked this shoot and I know I can't wait to see what all the pics look like. I just hope that Ford Models NYC will be as impressed as he was. Not really sure how it works when these companies get suggestions from scouts. But we shall see!!! So all in all I felt really great about the shoot and he made me feel better about it as much feed back as he was giving. It did a lot for my model confidence in that I was easy to work with and took direction well and he was so excited about it. I just pray that this is God's plan for me, well, one of them anyway :)
So I was pretty tired after it was all said and done and as you can imagine when I got home... it was bedtime. A nap was way overdue. I had been up since 5am!!! I will tell you that this is the simplest shoot that I have done. Everything was all natural, no jewelry, no accessories, and all I had to do was take direction. I didn't even have to pick the outfits!! I loved it!! Stay tuned for pics and updates! I will have my disc around the end of October!!! You won't want to miss this portfolio update!
I am so blessed to have received such a great opportunity. Too bad I accidentally took the photographer's hat when I grabbed my clothes out of the car. But not to worry!!! I texted him and let him know and he sent me an address to send it back. Nothing like losing or misplacing your favorite accessory, like a hat or watch or pair of shoes... fav shirt... ya know. I promise Marc, it will be in the mail soon!!! LOL!!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
A Wild Ride!!!!
First of all I must say it seems like I have way too much going on and with every blessing there seems to be a curse or downfall. Mental health is tricky...lol If anyone sits there and tells you that there is a magical medication that will help them forever and they don't ever have to have counseling or any other intervention, they are not being real about it. I learned from talking to my therapist this past Monday that even though you may feel great a lot of the time that sometimes there is a day where your body has a "relapse" per say. Like a diabetic can still get sick even if they are on meds and have a bad day. A person with heart problems that is on heart medication can have a lapse. Mental health is no different. That made me feel a lot better. I tell people I am great and I am happy but... there are a few days out of the year where I just don't have a good day. This is completely normal and that makes me feel confident. Our session basically laid down what I need to work on and how we are going to develop coping skills for things that I have trouble with. I never claimed to be completely cured of mental health as I go out in the community and advocate. Let's just say I got a few wrinkles :)
On the up and up I am excited about the next couple of busy weeks for me. This weekend I will be in Bloomingdale to get fitted for the Live Out Loud Charity fashion show that will take place on October the 2nd. I couldn't be more pleased to be involved with this as it is a charity dedicated to depression and suicide awareness. I will be walking as a model and a title holder so I get to showcase my talents twice! Awesome huh? I also get to share my story with what will probably be my biggest crowd so far with an expected attendance of over 500 people. This will be an amazing but emotional event. For more information please visit http://www.tiaramag.net/. My photos are on there along with information on the show and the other models and titleholders taking part in it. I can't wait to see what they pick out for me to wear! I love doing fashion shows. To top it off I have lost about 13 pounds so I will be happier that I probably get to go down a couple sizes on the clothes they pick :)
Sunday is going to be very interesting. I will be traveling 180 miles in the opposite direction over to Des Moines, IA to test shoot with a model scout photographer for Ford Models NYC. I am truely excited about this opportunity and quite nervous at the same time. I am still trying to decide what outfits I will wear and will be curious as to how he captures my looks. It's always fun working with a new photographer. The last photographer I worked with in Des Moines was Dan Davis. Simply amazing and took one of my most favorite pictures I have in my portfolio. It was like he captured me in a dream. Loved it!! So I am really excited as to how these photos will turn out and what this scout thinks of my photos. This test shoot is definitely a big deal and maybe, just maybe something will happen for me. (fingers crossed, prayers going up) I feel like I have a great portfolio and am looking forward to updating it with even more awesome pics!! I would love to be a print commercial model. (my dream)
Next weekend is the NAMI walk. (National Alliance for Mental Illnesses) Bright and early I will be headed out to Schweibert Park in Rock Island in support of the cause. This may be too big of an event for my snoopy. He did well with the MJL walk but we were just in the hundreds. This crowd is expected to be much bigger and not sure how he will react to some of the entertainment. Clowns may not be his thing and I completely understand that. Plus I will be busy walking around mingling with the crowd. That same day after the walk I will be headed to Addison for rehearsals that night and then up at 5am for the show next day. Talk about your busy Ms. Iowa on the go!! But it will be all for great causes. You don't even want to konw what my following week looks like, LOL!!!
Amongst all of this, we come to the insomnia. You may remember in a previous blog that my doc took me off my trazodone because of the groggyness and the weight gain and me just sleeping my life away. I knew it was time for a change. Unfortunately, it is trial and error again. I was prescribed Ambien to take for my anxiety at night. No luck on half or a whole pill. I was up at 3 am every night. I gave it from that wednesday until the weekend. The doc is not in on Mondays and Tuesdays so I have to wait until Wednesday when she comes in. She calls in another prescription. Klonopin. Same deal. Up every night at 3am toss turn, fidgeting, moving around, silly looks from the dog. My dog usually sleeps right next to me even though we are on a queen sized bed. I like the comfort and I steal his heat, hee hee. He is my lil fur child and he has been very upset with me these past few weeks. All this week, 2am, 3am, 4am. I get the look like "what is your problem? A pooch is tryin to sleep!!" I wish I had taken photos these past few nights. I missed the docs call yesterday so today we are going to try something else. Xanex. I guess it is that bad, but I am to start off with a half pill. You gotta wonder sometimes how I hold my composure and keep it all together. God, family, and good ol Cymbalta that picks me up so I feel great all day.
Mental health is never easy. It's not all in your head and you can't just snap out of it. Even with all the positive things going in my life right now in the next couple of days and months I still struggle at times and that is normal. Never give up on hope. There is always hope. Sometimes it is a matter of finding the right combination of meds, the right therapist, the right enviornment, or the right routine and positive people to surround yourself with. If I can do it, you can too :)
On the up and up I am excited about the next couple of busy weeks for me. This weekend I will be in Bloomingdale to get fitted for the Live Out Loud Charity fashion show that will take place on October the 2nd. I couldn't be more pleased to be involved with this as it is a charity dedicated to depression and suicide awareness. I will be walking as a model and a title holder so I get to showcase my talents twice! Awesome huh? I also get to share my story with what will probably be my biggest crowd so far with an expected attendance of over 500 people. This will be an amazing but emotional event. For more information please visit http://www.tiaramag.net/. My photos are on there along with information on the show and the other models and titleholders taking part in it. I can't wait to see what they pick out for me to wear! I love doing fashion shows. To top it off I have lost about 13 pounds so I will be happier that I probably get to go down a couple sizes on the clothes they pick :)
Sunday is going to be very interesting. I will be traveling 180 miles in the opposite direction over to Des Moines, IA to test shoot with a model scout photographer for Ford Models NYC. I am truely excited about this opportunity and quite nervous at the same time. I am still trying to decide what outfits I will wear and will be curious as to how he captures my looks. It's always fun working with a new photographer. The last photographer I worked with in Des Moines was Dan Davis. Simply amazing and took one of my most favorite pictures I have in my portfolio. It was like he captured me in a dream. Loved it!! So I am really excited as to how these photos will turn out and what this scout thinks of my photos. This test shoot is definitely a big deal and maybe, just maybe something will happen for me. (fingers crossed, prayers going up) I feel like I have a great portfolio and am looking forward to updating it with even more awesome pics!! I would love to be a print commercial model. (my dream)
Next weekend is the NAMI walk. (National Alliance for Mental Illnesses) Bright and early I will be headed out to Schweibert Park in Rock Island in support of the cause. This may be too big of an event for my snoopy. He did well with the MJL walk but we were just in the hundreds. This crowd is expected to be much bigger and not sure how he will react to some of the entertainment. Clowns may not be his thing and I completely understand that. Plus I will be busy walking around mingling with the crowd. That same day after the walk I will be headed to Addison for rehearsals that night and then up at 5am for the show next day. Talk about your busy Ms. Iowa on the go!! But it will be all for great causes. You don't even want to konw what my following week looks like, LOL!!!
Amongst all of this, we come to the insomnia. You may remember in a previous blog that my doc took me off my trazodone because of the groggyness and the weight gain and me just sleeping my life away. I knew it was time for a change. Unfortunately, it is trial and error again. I was prescribed Ambien to take for my anxiety at night. No luck on half or a whole pill. I was up at 3 am every night. I gave it from that wednesday until the weekend. The doc is not in on Mondays and Tuesdays so I have to wait until Wednesday when she comes in. She calls in another prescription. Klonopin. Same deal. Up every night at 3am toss turn, fidgeting, moving around, silly looks from the dog. My dog usually sleeps right next to me even though we are on a queen sized bed. I like the comfort and I steal his heat, hee hee. He is my lil fur child and he has been very upset with me these past few weeks. All this week, 2am, 3am, 4am. I get the look like "what is your problem? A pooch is tryin to sleep!!" I wish I had taken photos these past few nights. I missed the docs call yesterday so today we are going to try something else. Xanex. I guess it is that bad, but I am to start off with a half pill. You gotta wonder sometimes how I hold my composure and keep it all together. God, family, and good ol Cymbalta that picks me up so I feel great all day.
Mental health is never easy. It's not all in your head and you can't just snap out of it. Even with all the positive things going in my life right now in the next couple of days and months I still struggle at times and that is normal. Never give up on hope. There is always hope. Sometimes it is a matter of finding the right combination of meds, the right therapist, the right enviornment, or the right routine and positive people to surround yourself with. If I can do it, you can too :)
Sunday, September 18, 2011
MJL 5th Annual Walk for Hope
Gosh, where do I start? This day will definitely be one of the days in my life that I will never forget. On the morning of September 17, 2011 hundreds of people came together for one cause, and that cause being for the awareness and support of Depression and Suicide Awareness. I have never felt so much love and togetherness in one place and it felt great! Molly Lincoln would/is so lucky and proud to have loved ones that are so passionate about her life that they have put her memory to a good cause for a community that has lost so many and that deals with a disease that society has created this stigma that frowns upon Mental illnesses.
I arrived with my dog snoopy and his "walk for hope" bandana geared up ready to walk for a cause. We got there at around 7:45 or so and people were slowly starting to trickle in. Before I knew it the whole auditorium building was full of people everywhere. Some people had shirts that were in the memory of their loved one they had lost to suicide. Others were just putting the names and years they lost their loved ones on a walker bib that they pinned to their clothing to show as they walked. To my shock, there were some youth that had 3 names on the back of their shirts and bibs. I couldn't believe it. If you don't think suicide is real, it is, and the mental health stigma is not a joke. It has really hit hard in this area. Iowa and Quad Cities, wake up!!! Talk about it! Get help! You are not alone and you don't have to be ashamed!! It can happen to anybody and everyone deals with life and trajedies in a different way. The best advice I was ever given from a mental health professional was that the more people I share my story with and how I am feeling, the better I will feel. Of course, at the time, I was severely depressed, embarrassed, and knew that if I told anyone they would think I was a nut job and that I was crazy. It's okay to feel that way in the beginning, you share when you feel the time is right. I chose to go public when I accepted the title of Ms. Iowa American Coed 2011. It was time.
As I stood up to grab the mic to speak, I can honestly say I was quite nervous for the first few seconds. This was the largest crowd I had ever stood in front of to share my story and how I got to Iowa. I was proud of the fact that I was able to hold back my tears. I was happy but I was also sad because of all the grief everyone had experienced due to suicide and depression and the fact that my family could have been in their positions. I let everyone know that I was no longer ashamed and that I do still struggle at times and even still currently treat and have found hope in the Vera French Foundation. A beauty queen such as myself can be depressed too, and like I said, it can happen to anybody. What really warmed my heart was the applause when I was able to present MJL with the money I had raised with the help of my law firm in the amount of $90. That felt good. I know it wasn't much but it made a difference in that we at the firm shared in our part of helping fund such a great cause and even I know that every little bit counts!! They were surprised and I loved it because I purposely didn't tell them. They have been there for me in more ways than anyone would know. The contacts they have helped me to build to get help for myself and to do work for other people has been amazing and I will definitely come back next year. Maybe I can come back with a national title and speak on what I have been able to accomplish for mental health on a national level. My goal, share my story, get people to talk, break the stigma.
I appreciated all the response I got from everyone who came up and spoke to me. The words of encouragement, the welcoming to their home state, it means more than anyone will ever know. As a transplant trying to get out in the community with a country accent and an Iowa title is not the easiest thing, LOL!!! My dog Snoopy, well I was kind of nervous how he would react to so many people being around him. He usually pulls back from large crowds because of his past of being abused/neglected as a puppy. He was loving all the attention with the treats and belly rubs and petting. I think he knew that everyone there was there because they needed to heal. I think he did his part and I am so proud of my lil fur child, lol. We made it through all 3 miles and at the end he was more than ready to get some food and sit down. I loved the response of everyone that came to my table wanting autographed photos and words of kindness. It meant and means a lot!! One girl told me that I could write about how awesome she was in my blog when I mentioned they could take a card to follow. Sorry I am bad with names, and yes honey, you are awesome!!! You came out for a great cause and your loved one would be so proud that you took part in an event to celebrate their memory!!!
Thank you MJL Foundation (Betsy, Michelle, and Jennifer) and Thank you Vera French! I am so happy to have found you and you have made a big difference in my life here in Iowa. I will continue in my journey in this fight against the mental health stigma and reach out to my community beyond the title even if I don't win the national title. This is me and always will be and nothing will change my past and what I have been through.
My next step, to walk in memory of my daddy Walter "Hubert Jr." Snodgrass at the Quad Cities Light the Night Walk 2011. If anyone would like to donate or join me on my walk team for Team Hubert Jr. Please visit
http://pages.lightthenight.org/ia/QuadCiti11/TeamHubertJr I am the Quads Cities Honorary Walk Chair and this walk will take place on October 14th 2011 at Modern Woodman Park. Lots of fun activities and things to do before the walk starts for all ages!
Thank you!!
Monica Lacovitch
Ms. Iowa American Coed 2011 http://www.gocoed.com/ and vote for me for people's choice! :)
I arrived with my dog snoopy and his "walk for hope" bandana geared up ready to walk for a cause. We got there at around 7:45 or so and people were slowly starting to trickle in. Before I knew it the whole auditorium building was full of people everywhere. Some people had shirts that were in the memory of their loved one they had lost to suicide. Others were just putting the names and years they lost their loved ones on a walker bib that they pinned to their clothing to show as they walked. To my shock, there were some youth that had 3 names on the back of their shirts and bibs. I couldn't believe it. If you don't think suicide is real, it is, and the mental health stigma is not a joke. It has really hit hard in this area. Iowa and Quad Cities, wake up!!! Talk about it! Get help! You are not alone and you don't have to be ashamed!! It can happen to anybody and everyone deals with life and trajedies in a different way. The best advice I was ever given from a mental health professional was that the more people I share my story with and how I am feeling, the better I will feel. Of course, at the time, I was severely depressed, embarrassed, and knew that if I told anyone they would think I was a nut job and that I was crazy. It's okay to feel that way in the beginning, you share when you feel the time is right. I chose to go public when I accepted the title of Ms. Iowa American Coed 2011. It was time.
As I stood up to grab the mic to speak, I can honestly say I was quite nervous for the first few seconds. This was the largest crowd I had ever stood in front of to share my story and how I got to Iowa. I was proud of the fact that I was able to hold back my tears. I was happy but I was also sad because of all the grief everyone had experienced due to suicide and depression and the fact that my family could have been in their positions. I let everyone know that I was no longer ashamed and that I do still struggle at times and even still currently treat and have found hope in the Vera French Foundation. A beauty queen such as myself can be depressed too, and like I said, it can happen to anybody. What really warmed my heart was the applause when I was able to present MJL with the money I had raised with the help of my law firm in the amount of $90. That felt good. I know it wasn't much but it made a difference in that we at the firm shared in our part of helping fund such a great cause and even I know that every little bit counts!! They were surprised and I loved it because I purposely didn't tell them. They have been there for me in more ways than anyone would know. The contacts they have helped me to build to get help for myself and to do work for other people has been amazing and I will definitely come back next year. Maybe I can come back with a national title and speak on what I have been able to accomplish for mental health on a national level. My goal, share my story, get people to talk, break the stigma.
I appreciated all the response I got from everyone who came up and spoke to me. The words of encouragement, the welcoming to their home state, it means more than anyone will ever know. As a transplant trying to get out in the community with a country accent and an Iowa title is not the easiest thing, LOL!!! My dog Snoopy, well I was kind of nervous how he would react to so many people being around him. He usually pulls back from large crowds because of his past of being abused/neglected as a puppy. He was loving all the attention with the treats and belly rubs and petting. I think he knew that everyone there was there because they needed to heal. I think he did his part and I am so proud of my lil fur child, lol. We made it through all 3 miles and at the end he was more than ready to get some food and sit down. I loved the response of everyone that came to my table wanting autographed photos and words of kindness. It meant and means a lot!! One girl told me that I could write about how awesome she was in my blog when I mentioned they could take a card to follow. Sorry I am bad with names, and yes honey, you are awesome!!! You came out for a great cause and your loved one would be so proud that you took part in an event to celebrate their memory!!!
Thank you MJL Foundation (Betsy, Michelle, and Jennifer) and Thank you Vera French! I am so happy to have found you and you have made a big difference in my life here in Iowa. I will continue in my journey in this fight against the mental health stigma and reach out to my community beyond the title even if I don't win the national title. This is me and always will be and nothing will change my past and what I have been through.
My next step, to walk in memory of my daddy Walter "Hubert Jr." Snodgrass at the Quad Cities Light the Night Walk 2011. If anyone would like to donate or join me on my walk team for Team Hubert Jr. Please visit
http://pages.lightthenight.org/ia/QuadCiti11/TeamHubertJr I am the Quads Cities Honorary Walk Chair and this walk will take place on October 14th 2011 at Modern Woodman Park. Lots of fun activities and things to do before the walk starts for all ages!
Thank you!!
Monica Lacovitch
Ms. Iowa American Coed 2011 http://www.gocoed.com/ and vote for me for people's choice! :)
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Gone But Not Forgotten
It's so crazy how my weeks can go up and down, up and down. I mean, emotionally, or something that just happens and you are like "whoa!!" This week was one of those weeks. There was a reason why me and my aunt Daphne were on skype together on Monday night. We talk a lot on the phone and on skype and I love her so much and it really makes being away from her and my other family so much easier. She got the call while she was on skype with me and she walks away and says very little. She comes back teary eyed. I am shaking my head "no" She said "his breathing has changed, it is just a matter of time" I knew she was talking about our Uncle Marion. "Girl" as me and my cousin would joke around with him. It just brought me to the flashback of when we were all together for his 80th birthday party a few years ago. Everything was great and we were celebrating together as a family. He was surprised! He had that smile as he walked in and sits down slightly crossing his legs. The way uncle Marion sits and smiles. That is what I remembered.
We go on talking trying not to cry because it hadn't happened yet, but we knew he probably wouldn't make it through the night. She continues to call others in the family as I sit there with her. I was so glad that I was not the one receiving the call this time, but the one getting the information first hand. Nothing hits the pit of your stomach worse then when you get "the call" Not even 30 to 45 minutes later my aunt melissa calls her. She starts to cry harder and I start to cry. I don't know why, but my Aunt Melissa is always the one who calls to tell somebody that someone is gone. I remember getting the call from her late night saying that my dad was gone and I should probably go and find my mom. I hated her for it but you can't kill the messenger. It is just a fact of life and someone has to be the bearer of bad news.
The crazy thing is, this wasn't a deal where he was sick for months. He was only diagnosed with pancreatic cancer a few weeks ago. Then it was all downhill from there. Hospice had been called in to assist. You know it is bad when they call Hospice in. My aunt told me that he didn't fight or anything and he knew that he was ready to go. That is understandable. Now he can be with his wife. That is what makes me smile. He does not have to be alone anymore and he does not have to suffer. It's really hard to type that out.
It will never be the same visiting home and not seeing him out on the porch coming around the corner when visiting good ol Garrard County. I will miss his talk of strategies about winning the lottery and how he may have a pattern figured out for his numbers to come in. Driving around town in his big ol truck. That was good ol Uncle Marion. I am heartbroken I don't get to say goodbye. But that is one of those things where you have to deal with what comes at you when you don't live close by and you don't have the time off work to take or the money to just pick up and go. Today was the visitation. Tomorrow he will join his nephew/my dad and his wife/my grandmother's sister at Camp Nelson National Cemetary for Veterans.
I love you Uncle Marion and you will never be forgotten. I will pray for the healing of the broken hearts and the missing feeling that will be a long time felt in those that were close to him. To my family, I love you and I miss you and I wish I could be there for everyone to share in this time of hardship. It seems that anymore these are the times when everyone comes together and I can't help but think that last time was when Daddy had passed. Hugs and prayers, Cousin Monike, Cousin Elaine, Cousin Wayne, and Cousin Ronnie. I love you all. Your dad will be forever missed but not forgotten...
We go on talking trying not to cry because it hadn't happened yet, but we knew he probably wouldn't make it through the night. She continues to call others in the family as I sit there with her. I was so glad that I was not the one receiving the call this time, but the one getting the information first hand. Nothing hits the pit of your stomach worse then when you get "the call" Not even 30 to 45 minutes later my aunt melissa calls her. She starts to cry harder and I start to cry. I don't know why, but my Aunt Melissa is always the one who calls to tell somebody that someone is gone. I remember getting the call from her late night saying that my dad was gone and I should probably go and find my mom. I hated her for it but you can't kill the messenger. It is just a fact of life and someone has to be the bearer of bad news.
The crazy thing is, this wasn't a deal where he was sick for months. He was only diagnosed with pancreatic cancer a few weeks ago. Then it was all downhill from there. Hospice had been called in to assist. You know it is bad when they call Hospice in. My aunt told me that he didn't fight or anything and he knew that he was ready to go. That is understandable. Now he can be with his wife. That is what makes me smile. He does not have to be alone anymore and he does not have to suffer. It's really hard to type that out.
It will never be the same visiting home and not seeing him out on the porch coming around the corner when visiting good ol Garrard County. I will miss his talk of strategies about winning the lottery and how he may have a pattern figured out for his numbers to come in. Driving around town in his big ol truck. That was good ol Uncle Marion. I am heartbroken I don't get to say goodbye. But that is one of those things where you have to deal with what comes at you when you don't live close by and you don't have the time off work to take or the money to just pick up and go. Today was the visitation. Tomorrow he will join his nephew/my dad and his wife/my grandmother's sister at Camp Nelson National Cemetary for Veterans.
I love you Uncle Marion and you will never be forgotten. I will pray for the healing of the broken hearts and the missing feeling that will be a long time felt in those that were close to him. To my family, I love you and I miss you and I wish I could be there for everyone to share in this time of hardship. It seems that anymore these are the times when everyone comes together and I can't help but think that last time was when Daddy had passed. Hugs and prayers, Cousin Monike, Cousin Elaine, Cousin Wayne, and Cousin Ronnie. I love you all. Your dad will be forever missed but not forgotten...
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