First, I just want to say that I feel very blessed with every opportunity that I have been given in the past year thus far. I in no way imagined that 2011 would be so awesome for me. I was positive about wanting 2011 to be one of the best years yet, but I must say that this year has been exceptional. From my new job, photoshoots, titles, pageants, modeling opportunities and speaking engagements to the community service. I have had a couple of downfalls with a few deaths on both sides of the family and some issues with my mental health, but nothing that has been able to stop me from being able to prosper and keep moving forward.
If you didn't know, I was offered a test shoot with Ford Models scout/photographer Marc Tuscher. If you don't know who this guy is, you HAVE to look him up. He is awesome!! Such a nice guy and knows his stuff and has an awesome eye. I was in Des Moines on Sunday morning bright and early at 9am. I was told to bring all types of clothing. It was just four looks but... I had no idea what was in store for me. When I arrived I laid out all my clothes I had brought and my what seemed like millions of shoes (I won't even tell you how many heels I brought). He picked out all 4 of my looks. I had a lil say in it that he made sure I liked what I was wearing. I would have never put together those outfits that he did, but they were FABULOUS!!!! I was dressed like a model. The weather was a lil chilly but by the pics you would never know it. So we packed up everything I was going to use and everything I wasn't and headed out to the car. We were headed on location, whereever that was, because neither one of us were from the area and had no idea where we were headed... Quite interesting...
So we arrive at the Des Moines Register. I was dressed in black leggings and a purple shirt. Natural make-up, curly hair, gold peep toe shoes to match the gold that was on the chains on the shirt. I was a lil nervous in that I had never just worn tights and a shirt out like that. But I was confident because it looked good with the weight I had lost which means my hard work is paying off!!! We were inside of a bus stop. Now you may be thinking really? But when he kept telling me "beautiful" "big pretty smile" "great" and even showed me some of the pics, I was like "omg, really?" They look very very awesome and some you wouldn't even know I was inside of a bus stop. Except for the ones where I am on the bench... But I was very pleased with the shots that he did show me and I tell ya, I can't wait to get the disc to see the final product!!!
Next change, yes in the back seat of a car, small tight space, I have been in smaller spaces... Super hot and super cold. It's all part of the process and you gotta be quick. Never want to waste time. Next outfit, short khaki shorts, high wedge brown sandals, brown tank, brown pin striped blazer with a lil patch on the side chest like a harry potter or prep school jacket. Never would have put it together and it was so cute!! We were at a dead end where there was metal strips that were red and white striped to show it was a dead end and on the other side was a field. Again, awesome photos. I look so tall, but I guess because my legs are so long looking. It sucked that it was chilly and I had on this little shorts and sandals, but again, you do what you got to do and pretend it is 75 degrees and sunny. Mind over matter. If you can't do it you will never make it in the industry. And honestly, it could have been way colder than it was but it just wasn't. So that made it a lil easier... Just wait until you see these shots!!!!! A serious portfolio upgrade!!
Next stop around the corner, some type of company, not sure what they do and can't remember the name. Their building was outlined in a royal blue and had some glass squared looking windows that only reflect and you can't see in, but we utilized the wall and then that part of the building in the background. Skinny jeans, white tank, blue frilly peep toe heels that I had bought myself for my birthday the first year I was here for the blue and white party. Too cute! One of my fav pairs of shoes and I only wore them once. I should have got the red ones too. I paid a nice penny for them compared to what I usually pay for pumps, but hey, sometimes a girl wants a pair of pumps so bad she gotta have em. I got my eye on some suede royal purple ones. They will be in the wardrobe soon!!!
Now for the last look. My what I like to call "Barbie dress" I havn't been able to fit this dress in years and it is still cute. This is also how I know my weight has really gone down. It is a black fitted a-lind dress with a wide pink neck line and bow at the side of the neck and then a wide pink waist that goes all the way around. Not a belt though. We drove to a place that had these glass looking cubes that made a wall that was like an enclosure. Neat is all I can say. Wore it with black pumps because I feel the pink heels I have, none of the shades came close enough. I felt like a lil girl and I know my mom will be excited about some of these pics. She is a huge barbie fan, especially the vintage barbie and this is something like what the barbie in her day would have worn. I will definitely be getting some of those pics to her. He showed me some of them and they were "cute"
When that was done we were all done and there was more high fives!!! He said I rocked this shoot and I know I can't wait to see what all the pics look like. I just hope that Ford Models NYC will be as impressed as he was. Not really sure how it works when these companies get suggestions from scouts. But we shall see!!! So all in all I felt really great about the shoot and he made me feel better about it as much feed back as he was giving. It did a lot for my model confidence in that I was easy to work with and took direction well and he was so excited about it. I just pray that this is God's plan for me, well, one of them anyway :)
So I was pretty tired after it was all said and done and as you can imagine when I got home... it was bedtime. A nap was way overdue. I had been up since 5am!!! I will tell you that this is the simplest shoot that I have done. Everything was all natural, no jewelry, no accessories, and all I had to do was take direction. I didn't even have to pick the outfits!! I loved it!! Stay tuned for pics and updates! I will have my disc around the end of October!!! You won't want to miss this portfolio update!
I am so blessed to have received such a great opportunity. Too bad I accidentally took the photographer's hat when I grabbed my clothes out of the car. But not to worry!!! I texted him and let him know and he sent me an address to send it back. Nothing like losing or misplacing your favorite accessory, like a hat or watch or pair of shoes... fav shirt... ya know. I promise Marc, it will be in the mail soon!!! LOL!!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
A Wild Ride!!!!
First of all I must say it seems like I have way too much going on and with every blessing there seems to be a curse or downfall. Mental health is tricky...lol If anyone sits there and tells you that there is a magical medication that will help them forever and they don't ever have to have counseling or any other intervention, they are not being real about it. I learned from talking to my therapist this past Monday that even though you may feel great a lot of the time that sometimes there is a day where your body has a "relapse" per say. Like a diabetic can still get sick even if they are on meds and have a bad day. A person with heart problems that is on heart medication can have a lapse. Mental health is no different. That made me feel a lot better. I tell people I am great and I am happy but... there are a few days out of the year where I just don't have a good day. This is completely normal and that makes me feel confident. Our session basically laid down what I need to work on and how we are going to develop coping skills for things that I have trouble with. I never claimed to be completely cured of mental health as I go out in the community and advocate. Let's just say I got a few wrinkles :)
On the up and up I am excited about the next couple of busy weeks for me. This weekend I will be in Bloomingdale to get fitted for the Live Out Loud Charity fashion show that will take place on October the 2nd. I couldn't be more pleased to be involved with this as it is a charity dedicated to depression and suicide awareness. I will be walking as a model and a title holder so I get to showcase my talents twice! Awesome huh? I also get to share my story with what will probably be my biggest crowd so far with an expected attendance of over 500 people. This will be an amazing but emotional event. For more information please visit http://www.tiaramag.net/. My photos are on there along with information on the show and the other models and titleholders taking part in it. I can't wait to see what they pick out for me to wear! I love doing fashion shows. To top it off I have lost about 13 pounds so I will be happier that I probably get to go down a couple sizes on the clothes they pick :)
Sunday is going to be very interesting. I will be traveling 180 miles in the opposite direction over to Des Moines, IA to test shoot with a model scout photographer for Ford Models NYC. I am truely excited about this opportunity and quite nervous at the same time. I am still trying to decide what outfits I will wear and will be curious as to how he captures my looks. It's always fun working with a new photographer. The last photographer I worked with in Des Moines was Dan Davis. Simply amazing and took one of my most favorite pictures I have in my portfolio. It was like he captured me in a dream. Loved it!! So I am really excited as to how these photos will turn out and what this scout thinks of my photos. This test shoot is definitely a big deal and maybe, just maybe something will happen for me. (fingers crossed, prayers going up) I feel like I have a great portfolio and am looking forward to updating it with even more awesome pics!! I would love to be a print commercial model. (my dream)
Next weekend is the NAMI walk. (National Alliance for Mental Illnesses) Bright and early I will be headed out to Schweibert Park in Rock Island in support of the cause. This may be too big of an event for my snoopy. He did well with the MJL walk but we were just in the hundreds. This crowd is expected to be much bigger and not sure how he will react to some of the entertainment. Clowns may not be his thing and I completely understand that. Plus I will be busy walking around mingling with the crowd. That same day after the walk I will be headed to Addison for rehearsals that night and then up at 5am for the show next day. Talk about your busy Ms. Iowa on the go!! But it will be all for great causes. You don't even want to konw what my following week looks like, LOL!!!
Amongst all of this, we come to the insomnia. You may remember in a previous blog that my doc took me off my trazodone because of the groggyness and the weight gain and me just sleeping my life away. I knew it was time for a change. Unfortunately, it is trial and error again. I was prescribed Ambien to take for my anxiety at night. No luck on half or a whole pill. I was up at 3 am every night. I gave it from that wednesday until the weekend. The doc is not in on Mondays and Tuesdays so I have to wait until Wednesday when she comes in. She calls in another prescription. Klonopin. Same deal. Up every night at 3am toss turn, fidgeting, moving around, silly looks from the dog. My dog usually sleeps right next to me even though we are on a queen sized bed. I like the comfort and I steal his heat, hee hee. He is my lil fur child and he has been very upset with me these past few weeks. All this week, 2am, 3am, 4am. I get the look like "what is your problem? A pooch is tryin to sleep!!" I wish I had taken photos these past few nights. I missed the docs call yesterday so today we are going to try something else. Xanex. I guess it is that bad, but I am to start off with a half pill. You gotta wonder sometimes how I hold my composure and keep it all together. God, family, and good ol Cymbalta that picks me up so I feel great all day.
Mental health is never easy. It's not all in your head and you can't just snap out of it. Even with all the positive things going in my life right now in the next couple of days and months I still struggle at times and that is normal. Never give up on hope. There is always hope. Sometimes it is a matter of finding the right combination of meds, the right therapist, the right enviornment, or the right routine and positive people to surround yourself with. If I can do it, you can too :)
On the up and up I am excited about the next couple of busy weeks for me. This weekend I will be in Bloomingdale to get fitted for the Live Out Loud Charity fashion show that will take place on October the 2nd. I couldn't be more pleased to be involved with this as it is a charity dedicated to depression and suicide awareness. I will be walking as a model and a title holder so I get to showcase my talents twice! Awesome huh? I also get to share my story with what will probably be my biggest crowd so far with an expected attendance of over 500 people. This will be an amazing but emotional event. For more information please visit http://www.tiaramag.net/. My photos are on there along with information on the show and the other models and titleholders taking part in it. I can't wait to see what they pick out for me to wear! I love doing fashion shows. To top it off I have lost about 13 pounds so I will be happier that I probably get to go down a couple sizes on the clothes they pick :)
Sunday is going to be very interesting. I will be traveling 180 miles in the opposite direction over to Des Moines, IA to test shoot with a model scout photographer for Ford Models NYC. I am truely excited about this opportunity and quite nervous at the same time. I am still trying to decide what outfits I will wear and will be curious as to how he captures my looks. It's always fun working with a new photographer. The last photographer I worked with in Des Moines was Dan Davis. Simply amazing and took one of my most favorite pictures I have in my portfolio. It was like he captured me in a dream. Loved it!! So I am really excited as to how these photos will turn out and what this scout thinks of my photos. This test shoot is definitely a big deal and maybe, just maybe something will happen for me. (fingers crossed, prayers going up) I feel like I have a great portfolio and am looking forward to updating it with even more awesome pics!! I would love to be a print commercial model. (my dream)
Next weekend is the NAMI walk. (National Alliance for Mental Illnesses) Bright and early I will be headed out to Schweibert Park in Rock Island in support of the cause. This may be too big of an event for my snoopy. He did well with the MJL walk but we were just in the hundreds. This crowd is expected to be much bigger and not sure how he will react to some of the entertainment. Clowns may not be his thing and I completely understand that. Plus I will be busy walking around mingling with the crowd. That same day after the walk I will be headed to Addison for rehearsals that night and then up at 5am for the show next day. Talk about your busy Ms. Iowa on the go!! But it will be all for great causes. You don't even want to konw what my following week looks like, LOL!!!
Amongst all of this, we come to the insomnia. You may remember in a previous blog that my doc took me off my trazodone because of the groggyness and the weight gain and me just sleeping my life away. I knew it was time for a change. Unfortunately, it is trial and error again. I was prescribed Ambien to take for my anxiety at night. No luck on half or a whole pill. I was up at 3 am every night. I gave it from that wednesday until the weekend. The doc is not in on Mondays and Tuesdays so I have to wait until Wednesday when she comes in. She calls in another prescription. Klonopin. Same deal. Up every night at 3am toss turn, fidgeting, moving around, silly looks from the dog. My dog usually sleeps right next to me even though we are on a queen sized bed. I like the comfort and I steal his heat, hee hee. He is my lil fur child and he has been very upset with me these past few weeks. All this week, 2am, 3am, 4am. I get the look like "what is your problem? A pooch is tryin to sleep!!" I wish I had taken photos these past few nights. I missed the docs call yesterday so today we are going to try something else. Xanex. I guess it is that bad, but I am to start off with a half pill. You gotta wonder sometimes how I hold my composure and keep it all together. God, family, and good ol Cymbalta that picks me up so I feel great all day.
Mental health is never easy. It's not all in your head and you can't just snap out of it. Even with all the positive things going in my life right now in the next couple of days and months I still struggle at times and that is normal. Never give up on hope. There is always hope. Sometimes it is a matter of finding the right combination of meds, the right therapist, the right enviornment, or the right routine and positive people to surround yourself with. If I can do it, you can too :)
Sunday, September 18, 2011
MJL 5th Annual Walk for Hope
Gosh, where do I start? This day will definitely be one of the days in my life that I will never forget. On the morning of September 17, 2011 hundreds of people came together for one cause, and that cause being for the awareness and support of Depression and Suicide Awareness. I have never felt so much love and togetherness in one place and it felt great! Molly Lincoln would/is so lucky and proud to have loved ones that are so passionate about her life that they have put her memory to a good cause for a community that has lost so many and that deals with a disease that society has created this stigma that frowns upon Mental illnesses.
I arrived with my dog snoopy and his "walk for hope" bandana geared up ready to walk for a cause. We got there at around 7:45 or so and people were slowly starting to trickle in. Before I knew it the whole auditorium building was full of people everywhere. Some people had shirts that were in the memory of their loved one they had lost to suicide. Others were just putting the names and years they lost their loved ones on a walker bib that they pinned to their clothing to show as they walked. To my shock, there were some youth that had 3 names on the back of their shirts and bibs. I couldn't believe it. If you don't think suicide is real, it is, and the mental health stigma is not a joke. It has really hit hard in this area. Iowa and Quad Cities, wake up!!! Talk about it! Get help! You are not alone and you don't have to be ashamed!! It can happen to anybody and everyone deals with life and trajedies in a different way. The best advice I was ever given from a mental health professional was that the more people I share my story with and how I am feeling, the better I will feel. Of course, at the time, I was severely depressed, embarrassed, and knew that if I told anyone they would think I was a nut job and that I was crazy. It's okay to feel that way in the beginning, you share when you feel the time is right. I chose to go public when I accepted the title of Ms. Iowa American Coed 2011. It was time.
As I stood up to grab the mic to speak, I can honestly say I was quite nervous for the first few seconds. This was the largest crowd I had ever stood in front of to share my story and how I got to Iowa. I was proud of the fact that I was able to hold back my tears. I was happy but I was also sad because of all the grief everyone had experienced due to suicide and depression and the fact that my family could have been in their positions. I let everyone know that I was no longer ashamed and that I do still struggle at times and even still currently treat and have found hope in the Vera French Foundation. A beauty queen such as myself can be depressed too, and like I said, it can happen to anybody. What really warmed my heart was the applause when I was able to present MJL with the money I had raised with the help of my law firm in the amount of $90. That felt good. I know it wasn't much but it made a difference in that we at the firm shared in our part of helping fund such a great cause and even I know that every little bit counts!! They were surprised and I loved it because I purposely didn't tell them. They have been there for me in more ways than anyone would know. The contacts they have helped me to build to get help for myself and to do work for other people has been amazing and I will definitely come back next year. Maybe I can come back with a national title and speak on what I have been able to accomplish for mental health on a national level. My goal, share my story, get people to talk, break the stigma.
I appreciated all the response I got from everyone who came up and spoke to me. The words of encouragement, the welcoming to their home state, it means more than anyone will ever know. As a transplant trying to get out in the community with a country accent and an Iowa title is not the easiest thing, LOL!!! My dog Snoopy, well I was kind of nervous how he would react to so many people being around him. He usually pulls back from large crowds because of his past of being abused/neglected as a puppy. He was loving all the attention with the treats and belly rubs and petting. I think he knew that everyone there was there because they needed to heal. I think he did his part and I am so proud of my lil fur child, lol. We made it through all 3 miles and at the end he was more than ready to get some food and sit down. I loved the response of everyone that came to my table wanting autographed photos and words of kindness. It meant and means a lot!! One girl told me that I could write about how awesome she was in my blog when I mentioned they could take a card to follow. Sorry I am bad with names, and yes honey, you are awesome!!! You came out for a great cause and your loved one would be so proud that you took part in an event to celebrate their memory!!!
Thank you MJL Foundation (Betsy, Michelle, and Jennifer) and Thank you Vera French! I am so happy to have found you and you have made a big difference in my life here in Iowa. I will continue in my journey in this fight against the mental health stigma and reach out to my community beyond the title even if I don't win the national title. This is me and always will be and nothing will change my past and what I have been through.
My next step, to walk in memory of my daddy Walter "Hubert Jr." Snodgrass at the Quad Cities Light the Night Walk 2011. If anyone would like to donate or join me on my walk team for Team Hubert Jr. Please visit
http://pages.lightthenight.org/ia/QuadCiti11/TeamHubertJr I am the Quads Cities Honorary Walk Chair and this walk will take place on October 14th 2011 at Modern Woodman Park. Lots of fun activities and things to do before the walk starts for all ages!
Thank you!!
Monica Lacovitch
Ms. Iowa American Coed 2011 http://www.gocoed.com/ and vote for me for people's choice! :)
I arrived with my dog snoopy and his "walk for hope" bandana geared up ready to walk for a cause. We got there at around 7:45 or so and people were slowly starting to trickle in. Before I knew it the whole auditorium building was full of people everywhere. Some people had shirts that were in the memory of their loved one they had lost to suicide. Others were just putting the names and years they lost their loved ones on a walker bib that they pinned to their clothing to show as they walked. To my shock, there were some youth that had 3 names on the back of their shirts and bibs. I couldn't believe it. If you don't think suicide is real, it is, and the mental health stigma is not a joke. It has really hit hard in this area. Iowa and Quad Cities, wake up!!! Talk about it! Get help! You are not alone and you don't have to be ashamed!! It can happen to anybody and everyone deals with life and trajedies in a different way. The best advice I was ever given from a mental health professional was that the more people I share my story with and how I am feeling, the better I will feel. Of course, at the time, I was severely depressed, embarrassed, and knew that if I told anyone they would think I was a nut job and that I was crazy. It's okay to feel that way in the beginning, you share when you feel the time is right. I chose to go public when I accepted the title of Ms. Iowa American Coed 2011. It was time.
As I stood up to grab the mic to speak, I can honestly say I was quite nervous for the first few seconds. This was the largest crowd I had ever stood in front of to share my story and how I got to Iowa. I was proud of the fact that I was able to hold back my tears. I was happy but I was also sad because of all the grief everyone had experienced due to suicide and depression and the fact that my family could have been in their positions. I let everyone know that I was no longer ashamed and that I do still struggle at times and even still currently treat and have found hope in the Vera French Foundation. A beauty queen such as myself can be depressed too, and like I said, it can happen to anybody. What really warmed my heart was the applause when I was able to present MJL with the money I had raised with the help of my law firm in the amount of $90. That felt good. I know it wasn't much but it made a difference in that we at the firm shared in our part of helping fund such a great cause and even I know that every little bit counts!! They were surprised and I loved it because I purposely didn't tell them. They have been there for me in more ways than anyone would know. The contacts they have helped me to build to get help for myself and to do work for other people has been amazing and I will definitely come back next year. Maybe I can come back with a national title and speak on what I have been able to accomplish for mental health on a national level. My goal, share my story, get people to talk, break the stigma.
I appreciated all the response I got from everyone who came up and spoke to me. The words of encouragement, the welcoming to their home state, it means more than anyone will ever know. As a transplant trying to get out in the community with a country accent and an Iowa title is not the easiest thing, LOL!!! My dog Snoopy, well I was kind of nervous how he would react to so many people being around him. He usually pulls back from large crowds because of his past of being abused/neglected as a puppy. He was loving all the attention with the treats and belly rubs and petting. I think he knew that everyone there was there because they needed to heal. I think he did his part and I am so proud of my lil fur child, lol. We made it through all 3 miles and at the end he was more than ready to get some food and sit down. I loved the response of everyone that came to my table wanting autographed photos and words of kindness. It meant and means a lot!! One girl told me that I could write about how awesome she was in my blog when I mentioned they could take a card to follow. Sorry I am bad with names, and yes honey, you are awesome!!! You came out for a great cause and your loved one would be so proud that you took part in an event to celebrate their memory!!!
Thank you MJL Foundation (Betsy, Michelle, and Jennifer) and Thank you Vera French! I am so happy to have found you and you have made a big difference in my life here in Iowa. I will continue in my journey in this fight against the mental health stigma and reach out to my community beyond the title even if I don't win the national title. This is me and always will be and nothing will change my past and what I have been through.
My next step, to walk in memory of my daddy Walter "Hubert Jr." Snodgrass at the Quad Cities Light the Night Walk 2011. If anyone would like to donate or join me on my walk team for Team Hubert Jr. Please visit
http://pages.lightthenight.org/ia/QuadCiti11/TeamHubertJr I am the Quads Cities Honorary Walk Chair and this walk will take place on October 14th 2011 at Modern Woodman Park. Lots of fun activities and things to do before the walk starts for all ages!
Thank you!!
Monica Lacovitch
Ms. Iowa American Coed 2011 http://www.gocoed.com/ and vote for me for people's choice! :)
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Gone But Not Forgotten
It's so crazy how my weeks can go up and down, up and down. I mean, emotionally, or something that just happens and you are like "whoa!!" This week was one of those weeks. There was a reason why me and my aunt Daphne were on skype together on Monday night. We talk a lot on the phone and on skype and I love her so much and it really makes being away from her and my other family so much easier. She got the call while she was on skype with me and she walks away and says very little. She comes back teary eyed. I am shaking my head "no" She said "his breathing has changed, it is just a matter of time" I knew she was talking about our Uncle Marion. "Girl" as me and my cousin would joke around with him. It just brought me to the flashback of when we were all together for his 80th birthday party a few years ago. Everything was great and we were celebrating together as a family. He was surprised! He had that smile as he walked in and sits down slightly crossing his legs. The way uncle Marion sits and smiles. That is what I remembered.
We go on talking trying not to cry because it hadn't happened yet, but we knew he probably wouldn't make it through the night. She continues to call others in the family as I sit there with her. I was so glad that I was not the one receiving the call this time, but the one getting the information first hand. Nothing hits the pit of your stomach worse then when you get "the call" Not even 30 to 45 minutes later my aunt melissa calls her. She starts to cry harder and I start to cry. I don't know why, but my Aunt Melissa is always the one who calls to tell somebody that someone is gone. I remember getting the call from her late night saying that my dad was gone and I should probably go and find my mom. I hated her for it but you can't kill the messenger. It is just a fact of life and someone has to be the bearer of bad news.
The crazy thing is, this wasn't a deal where he was sick for months. He was only diagnosed with pancreatic cancer a few weeks ago. Then it was all downhill from there. Hospice had been called in to assist. You know it is bad when they call Hospice in. My aunt told me that he didn't fight or anything and he knew that he was ready to go. That is understandable. Now he can be with his wife. That is what makes me smile. He does not have to be alone anymore and he does not have to suffer. It's really hard to type that out.
It will never be the same visiting home and not seeing him out on the porch coming around the corner when visiting good ol Garrard County. I will miss his talk of strategies about winning the lottery and how he may have a pattern figured out for his numbers to come in. Driving around town in his big ol truck. That was good ol Uncle Marion. I am heartbroken I don't get to say goodbye. But that is one of those things where you have to deal with what comes at you when you don't live close by and you don't have the time off work to take or the money to just pick up and go. Today was the visitation. Tomorrow he will join his nephew/my dad and his wife/my grandmother's sister at Camp Nelson National Cemetary for Veterans.
I love you Uncle Marion and you will never be forgotten. I will pray for the healing of the broken hearts and the missing feeling that will be a long time felt in those that were close to him. To my family, I love you and I miss you and I wish I could be there for everyone to share in this time of hardship. It seems that anymore these are the times when everyone comes together and I can't help but think that last time was when Daddy had passed. Hugs and prayers, Cousin Monike, Cousin Elaine, Cousin Wayne, and Cousin Ronnie. I love you all. Your dad will be forever missed but not forgotten...
We go on talking trying not to cry because it hadn't happened yet, but we knew he probably wouldn't make it through the night. She continues to call others in the family as I sit there with her. I was so glad that I was not the one receiving the call this time, but the one getting the information first hand. Nothing hits the pit of your stomach worse then when you get "the call" Not even 30 to 45 minutes later my aunt melissa calls her. She starts to cry harder and I start to cry. I don't know why, but my Aunt Melissa is always the one who calls to tell somebody that someone is gone. I remember getting the call from her late night saying that my dad was gone and I should probably go and find my mom. I hated her for it but you can't kill the messenger. It is just a fact of life and someone has to be the bearer of bad news.
The crazy thing is, this wasn't a deal where he was sick for months. He was only diagnosed with pancreatic cancer a few weeks ago. Then it was all downhill from there. Hospice had been called in to assist. You know it is bad when they call Hospice in. My aunt told me that he didn't fight or anything and he knew that he was ready to go. That is understandable. Now he can be with his wife. That is what makes me smile. He does not have to be alone anymore and he does not have to suffer. It's really hard to type that out.
It will never be the same visiting home and not seeing him out on the porch coming around the corner when visiting good ol Garrard County. I will miss his talk of strategies about winning the lottery and how he may have a pattern figured out for his numbers to come in. Driving around town in his big ol truck. That was good ol Uncle Marion. I am heartbroken I don't get to say goodbye. But that is one of those things where you have to deal with what comes at you when you don't live close by and you don't have the time off work to take or the money to just pick up and go. Today was the visitation. Tomorrow he will join his nephew/my dad and his wife/my grandmother's sister at Camp Nelson National Cemetary for Veterans.
I love you Uncle Marion and you will never be forgotten. I will pray for the healing of the broken hearts and the missing feeling that will be a long time felt in those that were close to him. To my family, I love you and I miss you and I wish I could be there for everyone to share in this time of hardship. It seems that anymore these are the times when everyone comes together and I can't help but think that last time was when Daddy had passed. Hugs and prayers, Cousin Monike, Cousin Elaine, Cousin Wayne, and Cousin Ronnie. I love you all. Your dad will be forever missed but not forgotten...
Friday, September 9, 2011
I was Here
I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time
Know there was something that
Meant something that I left behind
When I leave this world,
I'll leave no regrets
Leave something to remember,
So they won't forget
I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...
I want to say I lived each day,
Until I die
And know that I meant something in somebody's life
The hearts I have touched,
Will be the proof that I leave
That I made a difference
And this world will see[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/b/beyonce/i_was_here.html ]
I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...
I just want them to know
That I gave my all,
Did my best
Brought someone some happiness
Left this world a little better just because...
I was here...
I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I wanna leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...
(I lived, I loved)
(I did, I've done)
(I lived, I loved)
(I did, I've done)
I was here...
Know there was something that
Meant something that I left behind
When I leave this world,
I'll leave no regrets
Leave something to remember,
So they won't forget
I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...
I want to say I lived each day,
Until I die
And know that I meant something in somebody's life
The hearts I have touched,
Will be the proof that I leave
That I made a difference
And this world will see[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/b/beyonce/i_was_here.html ]
I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...
I just want them to know
That I gave my all,
Did my best
Brought someone some happiness
Left this world a little better just because...
I was here...
I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I wanna leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...
(I lived, I loved)
(I did, I've done)
(I lived, I loved)
(I did, I've done)
I was here...
Beyonce
I just want to say that I am totally feeling Beyonce on this song. This song makes me feel the feelings that I have not been able to put into words about what I want to accomplish in life. When I leave this world I want to leave my mark in a positive way that people will remember me by. Whether it was the friend that always made them smile, the country girl who was full of laughter and positiveness, or constantly working for a good cause in a way that nobody else has. I want my family to be proud of me and I don't want to look back with any regrets or say that I should have did or said this or that. Life is too short to live in regret. The only thing you can do is live each day to make it better than the last. Like I said, I made my bucket list and there are a lot of things I want to accomplish. There are things that I have accomplished, want to accomplish, and things that I probably not even thought of yet.
At times it seems so selfish to just live for yourself and say that nothing else matters. If you are going to live for someone besides yourself, live for your mom, dad, kids, or for the people that don't know that they need you yet. Everyone in this world has a purpose. I truly believe that. I feel that certain people and certain things/events come into your life for you to learn and use for the greater good. There is nothing in my life that I would change. The bad or the good (of course). I wouldn't have been the places I have been or met the people I have met or experienced the things that I have experienced without any of the events or people in my life. That is a FACT.
I believe my true calling is to help people. I want to touch the lives of people living with mental illnesses and make them feel like they can talk about it and that it is a disease like any other. I want to help break the stigma. There was a reason I lost my dad to Leukemia. I want to raise money for them to continue their research. I feel like this is my calling. I want to direct pageants, I want to make people feel good about themselves and their accomplishments and help them get to the next level, just as pageants have done for me :)
Who will you inspire? How will you leave your mark? What do you feel is your calling?
Friday, September 2, 2011
Feelin Good... Feelin Great!!!
I feel the need to blog right now because I feel fantastic, besides my left middle finger, and things are going just great!!! Monday started off crappy for the week, Tuesday was so-so, Wednesday was the madness dealing with docs and such with my abnormal finger situation, Thursday was good getting the car door handle replaced and today, well I feel good and we are exactly 2 weeks from the MJL Foundation for Suicide and Depression "walk for hope" walk!!! It almost doesn't get any better.
For those wondering about the whole finger thing. It is kind of weird situation. Back in March when I was competing for World's Glamorous Miss and America's U.S. Beauties... I was one of those people that didn't want to make more than one trip to the car. So I thought I had it all under control. I had my pink rolling luggage case, the pink travel case, my dress, and my portable dress steamer, plus my purse!!! well I think I may have pinched a nerve in the process because my whole middle finger was numb for a while like a week or 2. I got the feeling back in it and there has not been any pain up until about a month ago. My finger started to swell really bad on and off with quite a bit of pain and it was really bulged at the knuckle. I kept telling myself, oh it will go away and I can manage this pain with some alleve. Well, much to my dismay, I wake up this past wednesday, my finger looked like a frickin sausage and it hurt too bad to even move it. Imagine me getting ready for work with one hand... yea... and I bumped it on the way into work trying to open the door. O UH MMM GEEEE!!!!!!!!!! LOL! So after consulting with co-workers on this they suggest I go to Trinity walk in which I did right away. The doc sends me over to the hospital for x-rays. Nothing shows up as far as a fracture or a break. Now I have an appointment with an orthopedic doctor. I hope they can tell me something!!! But I got some good pain meds that are helping. Still sore, but now I am walking around with this splint that looks like I am giving everyone the finger. SWEEEEEEETTT!!! lol (not)
So let's back track to Friday. I go to Vera French to see a new doctor about my anxiety and depression meds. From consulting with her, I realize that it is not the Cymbalta I am unhappy with but the trazodone. So she upps my cymbalta to 90 mg and replaces the trazodone with Ambien. Now call me crazy, but I was kind of thinking, do you treat anxiety with sleep meds? I am no doc so I didn't question too much on it. I was focused on getting more energy in my life so I could get some things done and not sleeping all the time. I feel like I have slept my life away!!! Not to mention the 20 lb weight gain AND not being able to get up in the morning, thus making me late for work EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!!! Only by about 5-10 minutes, but late is late. She tells me to take half a pill. Friday night I do. I wake up at 3am like HELLO WORLD!! The dog was not thrilled. He looked at me like "if you don't quit moving around and talking so I can sleep over here!" Sorry Snoopy... Ok, fine, we will go up to a full tab, which she said I could do. The same deal. And I had appearances all weekend. ARE U FRICKIN KIDDING ME!!!!!! So I take a full pill again Sunday night. Same thing. Monday I am on edge, my anxiety is through the roof and the doc is out until Wednesday. So in order for me to get any rest I had to take the trazodone. Wednesday I am draggin. But I do get a call from my doc and she calls in a different anti-anxiety. SUPER! Why do I go to wal-mart to pick up that and the pain meds I was prescribed and the doc forgot to leave her ID number to fill the prescription. They call the doc on call and she would not give an ID number to verify because she was not "familiar with the patient or the chart" FOR CRYIIN OUT LOUD! YOUR COLLEAGUE WROTE THE PRESCRIPTION!!! So wal-mart wouldn't fill it according to some federal law even though the same doc wrote the ambien and they wouldn't use it from that. And Wal-Mart does not even call and tell me when they know this information. I am picking up meds 30 minutes before the pharmacy closes. The meds were called in around 5:30. Seriously, where is the customer service!!! "Ms. Lacovitch I am terribly sorry, we have a note to call first thing in the morning." I told the girl I thought it was dumb the on call doc (which by the way I had to suggest they call) was not acting very well as an on call and it kind of defeated the purpose in my situation. I also told her I thought it was crap I was just now being notified of the situation when you have my contact number and this is for an anti-anxiety medication which most people who take them need very much. So I left and I got my meds the next day. I take my half pill of the new meds and I FEEEL SUPER!!!!
I woke up today at 6:45 feeling like a new me! I had energy, I felt well rested, and I just felt motivated! I didn't even use the snooze! I even went to bed at like 10:30/10:45ish. I hope this is a new start. Maybe I can get up and walk the dog before work! Then snoopy can shed off some of those poochy pounds too and he will enjoy it. I just feel like this is the beginning to a new more motivated energetic me. I know I do a lot in the community, but I know I could be doing more appearances if I had just felt better and wasn't in the bed sleep all the time. This week I had actually started watching strictly what I eat and as of wednesday I had lost 6lbs! I have not weighed myself since then when I was at the doc, but I hope to have gone down a couple more pounds by the weekend. I mean, I don't think I am fat by any means, but I know I have a more healthier weight that I am used to that is normal. Afterall, I do want to look and feel my best for nationals which is 3 months away!!!
Another thing to be excited about is the MJL Foundation walk which is now only 2 weeks away today!! Maybe I will be down a total of 10-15 lbs by then! I am looking forward to meeting the community and doing what I do best, share my story and touch the lives of the people that are there. You never know who you will inspire... There is still time to register!! If you don't want to walk you can still come out and show your support www.mjlfoundation.org I will be there, my pooch will be there. Fun times with MJL and Ms. Iowa American Coed!! And I will be speaking before the walk. Stay tuned for my appearance with MJL Foundation next week regarding the walk!!! You won't want to miss it!!!
For those wondering about the whole finger thing. It is kind of weird situation. Back in March when I was competing for World's Glamorous Miss and America's U.S. Beauties... I was one of those people that didn't want to make more than one trip to the car. So I thought I had it all under control. I had my pink rolling luggage case, the pink travel case, my dress, and my portable dress steamer, plus my purse!!! well I think I may have pinched a nerve in the process because my whole middle finger was numb for a while like a week or 2. I got the feeling back in it and there has not been any pain up until about a month ago. My finger started to swell really bad on and off with quite a bit of pain and it was really bulged at the knuckle. I kept telling myself, oh it will go away and I can manage this pain with some alleve. Well, much to my dismay, I wake up this past wednesday, my finger looked like a frickin sausage and it hurt too bad to even move it. Imagine me getting ready for work with one hand... yea... and I bumped it on the way into work trying to open the door. O UH MMM GEEEE!!!!!!!!!! LOL! So after consulting with co-workers on this they suggest I go to Trinity walk in which I did right away. The doc sends me over to the hospital for x-rays. Nothing shows up as far as a fracture or a break. Now I have an appointment with an orthopedic doctor. I hope they can tell me something!!! But I got some good pain meds that are helping. Still sore, but now I am walking around with this splint that looks like I am giving everyone the finger. SWEEEEEEETTT!!! lol (not)
So let's back track to Friday. I go to Vera French to see a new doctor about my anxiety and depression meds. From consulting with her, I realize that it is not the Cymbalta I am unhappy with but the trazodone. So she upps my cymbalta to 90 mg and replaces the trazodone with Ambien. Now call me crazy, but I was kind of thinking, do you treat anxiety with sleep meds? I am no doc so I didn't question too much on it. I was focused on getting more energy in my life so I could get some things done and not sleeping all the time. I feel like I have slept my life away!!! Not to mention the 20 lb weight gain AND not being able to get up in the morning, thus making me late for work EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!!! Only by about 5-10 minutes, but late is late. She tells me to take half a pill. Friday night I do. I wake up at 3am like HELLO WORLD!! The dog was not thrilled. He looked at me like "if you don't quit moving around and talking so I can sleep over here!" Sorry Snoopy... Ok, fine, we will go up to a full tab, which she said I could do. The same deal. And I had appearances all weekend. ARE U FRICKIN KIDDING ME!!!!!! So I take a full pill again Sunday night. Same thing. Monday I am on edge, my anxiety is through the roof and the doc is out until Wednesday. So in order for me to get any rest I had to take the trazodone. Wednesday I am draggin. But I do get a call from my doc and she calls in a different anti-anxiety. SUPER! Why do I go to wal-mart to pick up that and the pain meds I was prescribed and the doc forgot to leave her ID number to fill the prescription. They call the doc on call and she would not give an ID number to verify because she was not "familiar with the patient or the chart" FOR CRYIIN OUT LOUD! YOUR COLLEAGUE WROTE THE PRESCRIPTION!!! So wal-mart wouldn't fill it according to some federal law even though the same doc wrote the ambien and they wouldn't use it from that. And Wal-Mart does not even call and tell me when they know this information. I am picking up meds 30 minutes before the pharmacy closes. The meds were called in around 5:30. Seriously, where is the customer service!!! "Ms. Lacovitch I am terribly sorry, we have a note to call first thing in the morning." I told the girl I thought it was dumb the on call doc (which by the way I had to suggest they call) was not acting very well as an on call and it kind of defeated the purpose in my situation. I also told her I thought it was crap I was just now being notified of the situation when you have my contact number and this is for an anti-anxiety medication which most people who take them need very much. So I left and I got my meds the next day. I take my half pill of the new meds and I FEEEL SUPER!!!!
I woke up today at 6:45 feeling like a new me! I had energy, I felt well rested, and I just felt motivated! I didn't even use the snooze! I even went to bed at like 10:30/10:45ish. I hope this is a new start. Maybe I can get up and walk the dog before work! Then snoopy can shed off some of those poochy pounds too and he will enjoy it. I just feel like this is the beginning to a new more motivated energetic me. I know I do a lot in the community, but I know I could be doing more appearances if I had just felt better and wasn't in the bed sleep all the time. This week I had actually started watching strictly what I eat and as of wednesday I had lost 6lbs! I have not weighed myself since then when I was at the doc, but I hope to have gone down a couple more pounds by the weekend. I mean, I don't think I am fat by any means, but I know I have a more healthier weight that I am used to that is normal. Afterall, I do want to look and feel my best for nationals which is 3 months away!!!
Another thing to be excited about is the MJL Foundation walk which is now only 2 weeks away today!! Maybe I will be down a total of 10-15 lbs by then! I am looking forward to meeting the community and doing what I do best, share my story and touch the lives of the people that are there. You never know who you will inspire... There is still time to register!! If you don't want to walk you can still come out and show your support www.mjlfoundation.org I will be there, my pooch will be there. Fun times with MJL and Ms. Iowa American Coed!! And I will be speaking before the walk. Stay tuned for my appearance with MJL Foundation next week regarding the walk!!! You won't want to miss it!!!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illnesses)
Are you familiar with NAMI? Apparently I was not either and really wish I would have known about this organization sooner!! I learned of this organization through Jay Kidwell of Channel 4 News Sports. He was very impressed with my story and came and suggested that he put my name out there to the right people for an upcoming event the first week of October. Well, you know me, I just had to dig in and do some research. I wanted to know more! NAMI stands for National Alliance for Mental Illnesses and their whole focus, and my platform as well, is to help break this mental health stigma!! They too will be holding a walk soon on October 1, 2011 at the Schweibert Park in Rock Island, IL. I emailed the president of the local group and expressed my interest in getting involved with this organization because I too deal with mental illness and have been getting out in the community to share my story to try to help break this cycle of the stigma that society has created. I got a response back from the lady in charge of the walk and was invited to their board meeting last night in which I got to meet everyone who was on the board. An OUTSTANDING group... I am happy that I got 3 new appearances planned out of this group and I can't wait to do more!
So yes, I have double booked myself for a whole weekend, again! lol But this is all for a good cause that I am passionate about. There is no cost to register for the walk and the more the merrier!!! I am truly excited about the whole weekend. I will have the walk in the morning and then I will head to Addison, IL to make it in time for fashion show rehearsals for the Live Out Loud Charity Fashion Show for Suicide and Depression. Then Sunday is the fashion show!! WHOOO WEEEEE!!! lol
If you would like more information on NAMI or to register for the walk please visit http://www.nami.org/. For Davenport, Iowa the link is http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=Your_Local_NAMI&Template=/CustomSource/LocalDetail.cfm&localID=0000000087&fromHL=no&state=IA
For Rock Island, Illinois the link is http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=Your_Local_NAMI&Template=/CustomSource/LocalDetail.cfm&localID=0000000075&fromHL=no&state=IL
There will be plenty of exciting things going on at the walk from free food, to entertainment, and of course I will be there doing pics, autographs, etc. If you would like to make a difference in your area for Mental health just look on the main site and look up your local chapter. Get involved! Donate! Advocate! It is my hope that if I win the national title of Ms. American Coed I can travel and advocate on a national level.
To keep up with all my appearances on behalf of my platforms and other good causes throughout the community, please be sure to click "like" on my facebook page, "Monica Lacovitch, Ms. Iowa American Coed 2011" I still have required space available for advertising in the national program book, so if you would like to put an ad for your organization or business all ads and money are due by September 25, 2011. You can contact me at kyqueen4life@yahoo.com for more details on pricing and sizes.
So yes, I have double booked myself for a whole weekend, again! lol But this is all for a good cause that I am passionate about. There is no cost to register for the walk and the more the merrier!!! I am truly excited about the whole weekend. I will have the walk in the morning and then I will head to Addison, IL to make it in time for fashion show rehearsals for the Live Out Loud Charity Fashion Show for Suicide and Depression. Then Sunday is the fashion show!! WHOOO WEEEEE!!! lol
If you would like more information on NAMI or to register for the walk please visit http://www.nami.org/. For Davenport, Iowa the link is http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=Your_Local_NAMI&Template=/CustomSource/LocalDetail.cfm&localID=0000000087&fromHL=no&state=IA
For Rock Island, Illinois the link is http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=Your_Local_NAMI&Template=/CustomSource/LocalDetail.cfm&localID=0000000075&fromHL=no&state=IL
There will be plenty of exciting things going on at the walk from free food, to entertainment, and of course I will be there doing pics, autographs, etc. If you would like to make a difference in your area for Mental health just look on the main site and look up your local chapter. Get involved! Donate! Advocate! It is my hope that if I win the national title of Ms. American Coed I can travel and advocate on a national level.
To keep up with all my appearances on behalf of my platforms and other good causes throughout the community, please be sure to click "like" on my facebook page, "Monica Lacovitch, Ms. Iowa American Coed 2011" I still have required space available for advertising in the national program book, so if you would like to put an ad for your organization or business all ads and money are due by September 25, 2011. You can contact me at kyqueen4life@yahoo.com for more details on pricing and sizes.
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